Monday one day, Tuesday two day, wendnesday what day? Thursday!

Has to be one of my favorite quotes from FRIENDS. Joey is a trip. For real. Good show. :/

Anyways here at school...
Its tuesday. I'd rather not be here but I have stuff to do.

Going to get checked up on thursday. Should be a blast.
Then its off to Waco Texas on Friday. :D

Got lots of art to work on for the competition.
I have to start over because someone "misplaced my freaking finished draft. :/
Not fun.

Anyways I don't have to go to 7th period today because of ELA [[English Language Arts]] testing academy.
And since I'm a senior [[and I passed all my exit exams.]] I don't have to go to 7th period! And also since I'm retaking a junior level class [[I failed it last year.]] then yeah there are only a couple of seniors in there. So I figured I'd ditch because the teach threatened that if we acted up while she wasn't there we can just forget about graduation. And since I need to graduate [[since I want to get the hell out of here]] I'm not going today....but that means I have to find something to do....Hrmmm...?

Anyways had a great dream last night. :D It was pretty damn awesome. Started off my day great.
I want to see my sister though. Venessa where are you?

I also need to talk to Kim....

Saw Nora as well.
She's always so happy and energetic. Hahaha.
It was great.
I was tired.
She was full of energy.
Made me smile.

And now I'm sitting here with a half drawn Texas in front of me and typing this blog.

Jasmine [[a rather loud, but cool girl]] is talking about Chad Michael Murray. He's a complete homo. No offense.
Hate the guy. Just like Ryan Sheckler. Maybe I'm jealous of them? NAH!

Had a pretty good laugh at my friend Jeanette in class because she didn't know what CS2 stood for. And we've been using it for about 3 years now? Funny stuff. And we laughed at my sickness and my inability to get anything done on time. Hahaha. Good stuff.

Saw Jumper [[Jumpers?]] Yesterday. Not a bad movie. Not the greatest but it wasn't bad.
Samuel Jackson with all white hair= funniness to the max.

Got raped yesterday! Hahaha that sounds bad....It wasn't that bad actually. Meh.
My head is somewhere else though...Feelings and stuff.

Ahh tuesday...We'll see what you have in store for me.



Here's some sketchyness I threw down while taking a break from doing shirt designs. Just experimenting with new styles and stuff. Want to get a solid style that I like y'know? Enjoy!

Stay up.

Just noticing...

That I complain a lot.
I mean A LOT.
No wonder I come off as an emo bitch.

I'm trying to get at piece with everything and everyone.
Just one more thing I need to get done.

Wish me luck.
I think I have like a new perspective on life or something. I don't know...Its odd because I don't really know where it came from.

Oh well I'm out.

Stay up.

Midnight conversations. Hope for us yet?

Hrmm actually very something interesting. Since I'm in the midst of a conversation with Nora about her feelings for her ex-boy and relationships [[I seem to talk to her about relationships alot. Keeps things interesting though]] I'd figure I'd post my thoughts on the whole thing.

Love, dating, sex and all of that stuff which I guess falls under the category of "affection" is all one big risk. Its a risk that two people have to take "together" to ensure that it works out. It may not always work out in the end actually [[as I'm know and accustomed to]] But still its all one big risk. P.O.D. even said, "The hardest part of holding on is letting it go." But what if letting it go was a mistake? What if the end was brought about by something that wasn't in your control? What if you aren't ready to let go just yet? Does that mean that its to late to get it back? Does that mean that you've made the biggest mistake of your life by letting go of something so great? Maybe. But thats not to say that its quite true. I mean I've seen weirder things happen. And even some of the happiest married couples have had their fair share of breakups and "time apart" and ultimately in the end they realized that it was the other person who "completed" them. They ultimately realized that they didn't want anybody else because what they wanted was right in front of them the entire time. Things like that y'know? Take relationships and things like that as one big gamble. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss. Some people actually get lucky and hit the jackpot on the first try [[but thats a rare occasion]] and sometimes you can't win. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah its never to late to get back something you let go. Well okay I don't want to say never because some people can't wait forever and things like that. But I mean sometimes its the time apart that people need to realize that they don't want any others [[I wanted to say no other]] because the one that makes them most happiest is the one they want to be with. The whole affiar got me thinking...Anyways where was I...? OH yeah! Now some people don't realize it right away and some never realize it but in the end things like this have a strange habit of working themselves out. It means there's hope for us yet as humans. :D

Its all one big risk. You gotta be willing to take it not expecting to know whats going to happen. But hoping that the best happens...For real.

Gawd I miss Kim. :/
Probably the last thing on her mind though and that just about sucks.

For real.

Anyways peep this!

Take two of the first drawing of me. I adore it. Makes me smile whenever I see it on this blog. Also makes me feel like something is seriously missing....

Damn man...


Stay up.

Weight gain.

Ahh here we go another blog post. I'm telling you this thing is rather addictive. Or maybe its the only place I can actually talk about stuff? Meh I don't know.

Today [[this morning actually]] started off rather interesting to say the least. After staying up till 2am doing recon work on the house next door [[there were four people sitting in this rather weird looking car doing I don't know what.]] It was odd. My dad told us to keep an eye on them because he thought they were going to rob us. So I was sitting in my bed doing recon work on them. It was odd because they were driving around with their headlights off. Very odd. Anyways I don't remember what happened I just remember my brother talking to me about looking out the window. Then next thing I know I'm getting waken up at 7:20 by my other brother saying, "Hey, You need to take out the trash." ruined my sleep. Hahaha I don't even remember sleeping anyways...

Decided to finally get up and roll out of my bed. Not without nearly killing myself on the way to doing so and take out the trash...After finally managing to get myself somewhat awake I swing open the front door to some of the most beautiful weather I'd experienced in my life. It was breezy, it was great, it was amazing...I decided I didn't want to waste the weather so I decided I'd skate...in sweat pants...A first for me because thats what I'd fallen asleep in. So I figured I'd give it a go [[partially because I was to lazy to switch to jeans and sweat pants allow me to move more freely.]] anyways this isn't a skateboard story so we'll skip ahead. After skating for a little bit. Falling a couple of times. The usual I decided to call it quits and come inside. And here I am posting yet another blog. This one seems to be rather blah to me. Maybe you'll find some entertainment from it.

But yeah while struggling to keep my sweat pants up [[they're rather large for me. Or maybe I'm to skinny.]] I need to gain some weight. I'm tired of being this skinny ass kid with his fucking ribs sticking out. Although I do like the fact that I have a pretty nice six-pack. :D thats a plus. Some girls like it. A lot of them tell me that they do...I don't like it at all. I often times stare at myself [[shirtless of course]] and look at all the many imperfections. Ribs poking out. Slender muscles and super skinny, long-ass arms. Its rather disgusting and makes me think that I'm to damn skinny...Thats the problem. I'm to skinny. People think I have an eating disorder. Partially because I don't like eating in front of people because they tend to stare. And partially because I don't eat a lot in public. I mean when I get home its a totally different story. I'm like a black hole or something. I just try to consume everything in sight. The problem with that being: there is never any food in my house. :/ so of course it leads to me not eating all that I want and yeah hence the reason why I'm so skinny. I don't have an eating disorder. At least I don't think so. I don't jam my fingers down my throat as its been thought that I do and don't not [[double negative]] eat. Its just I don't know. I have a very fast metabolism. It can't be helped. Well actually it can but still. I don't know. Weight gain...I need to gain weight. I want to be bigger. I realize I literally have like no fat on me. None whatsoever. Well maybe a little because I'm a human after all but still I need more. I want more...Must gain weight. Hrmm I must sound totally weird saying this. Like the complete opposite of Amerie [[story reference]] and yeah...I'm tired of being so damn skinny. Tired of people thinking I don't get fed or that I throw up everything I eat.

I'm hungry.

Don't really have any plans for today because well I don't know. None were made?
Meh.

You suck.

No school tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. If anything happens and stuff like that. I doubt it though because I've been forgotten. :/ I've been replaced. Things of that nature.

Hahaha joking. Kinda. :/

Wanna go somewhere with me?
Lets make plans. Okay?

Stay up.

1:00 blues....

Well 12:57 but technically one in the morning. Sunday February 24th 2008. I post to many blogs for real...What three in one day? Four? Hrmm thats way to many. Oh well I guess it gives you people something to read and some mild form of entertainment in some sick sadistic manner. You sick freaks! Hahaha joking. Anyways whats the point of this?

Oh yeah my obsessive thinking. I swear its going to be my downfall. I don't know what it is but whenever I tend to start thinking my mind tends to venture off from the given path and I end up taking these long ass detours and eventually end up depressing myself for a little while. Why the hell am I even awake now? Because I can't sleep. D'uh. Anyways. Been thinking alot. And yeah I have a tendency to over think things for some odd reason. I think its because my somewhat creative nature gets a little out of hand at times? If that were the case I'd be applying that shit towards art and not pointless thoughts that aren't going to get me anywhere or what I want. But yeah for some odd reason whenever I think it starts off okay then turns into a giant downhill mega fuck-fest [[can I say that?]]. I don't know why. I think its because I've had a lot of negative things happen to me. Makes me think in the "negative zone" y'know? Maybe its just me being stupid. Either ways it odd. It bothers me sometimes as well. I think I need mental help. For real...I also notice I say "I don't know" [[make mocking voice]] alot as well. I don't know...See?!?! Its like out of my control. Anyways. I couldn't sleep. Or for the simple fact that I don't want to..? I can't really describe it. I've just been up thinking about things that have happened to me as of recently. The whole nearly giving up on art thing, the whole Kim thing [[which I'm still trying to figure that shit out. Although its been resolved somethings not adding up in my head.]] Maybe thats the problem. My mind isn't willing to accept things the way that they are but in reality they've already happened the way they are. Not going to lie I miss talking to her. We'd usually be up right now on the phone. Laughing, talking, flirting, all that good stuff. But not as of late. Partially because I don't have my cell phone, and partially because well I don't know. See there it goes again. But yeah there's something there thats hindering stuff. I think its because feelings weren't dealt with properly and remorse follows. But I'm not to sure there. I don't want this to turn into another "Kim entry" and come off as some "creepy ass dude" as I seemed to have before. :/ wonder what she's up to now? Probably asleep. Probably not knowing her. Anyways trying to stay on subject. Key word there being trying...

I was up having a chat with my friend Brenda. She's a pretty nice person. Really pretty. Vietnamese and White. She's like one of those antique dolls you'd see or maybe like a geisha girl. Yeah a geisha would be it because they're really pretty and delicate. Anyways her. Well she was in a serious huff about various things. Which is actually kinda odd because normally she's a really chilled person. I'm not at liberty or obligated to discuss what we were talking about but its got me thinking the way that I am now. Because she mentioned something about her boyfriend. And I'm really weird when it comes to relationships as of now...They seem to never go in my favor and things like that. Something along those lines you can put it. And I'm hell-bent on trying to find out why...

Whats going on that something can go from pretty good to just all around shitty and me getting the axe? And all of them have been that way. All of them. Just up and ended one day. I know nothing lasts forever but c'mon now somethings gotta give. I'll get that one of these days. Its really confusing and upsetting at the moment though...

Then there's Luz. She's...well interesting to say the least. She has this young adolescent love radiating off of her about her ex [[who she dumped then went back out with then dumped again then went back out then dumped him again for the final time.]] Its like a rather childish and immature game of cat and mouse. But now she wants him back. She was all in denial of loving him; I'd always tell her, "Ahh whatever you love that boy and you know you do. Quit denying it and be with him dammit!" but that'd never work. Well all of a sudden her true feelings come up and she's back in love with him. Odd. I mean she literally was crying when she was telling me the story [[did I mention I hate when girls cry. Makes me feel all weak and weird and shit. And want to cry with them. I don't of course but still its like damn...]] It was like real emotion coming out from her. Like some raw, pure emotion. It was love. It was amazing. I took joy in it actually [[as sadistic as that sounds]] but not in a bad way. To know that love like that was flourishing actually kinda made me change my mind about the whole, "Love is false hope" strike I have going on at the moment because I'm jealous of all those realizing it and finding it. :/ Of course me being the hermit I am was like, "Ahh don't tell him. Let it run its course. Don't be stupid because you're only messing things up." I'm a real bitch aren't I? Yeah I know. But well earlier she tells me that she was going to take my advice but having thought on it for a while told her, "Wait don't do that! You don't want to be left wondering what if do you? I mean you love him. Its obvious. It may not be to late to get him back. Go for it Luz. Hope for the best prepare for the worst." and with that I sent her on her way. Am I ultimately leading her towards heartbreak? I sure as hell hope not. Because well that'd suck for me because it means I'm doing more harm than I am help. And thats no bueno. But still just seeing that she had such emotions for that guy. It was like damn. I want that. I want a girl to actually love me like that for real. I'd say I'd enjoy that much so and I'd actually be pretty damn amazed if something like that would happen...Key word being if Of course reality had to come in and be the bitch that it always is and slap me in the face...

"It never happens like that you ass and you know it" my mind instantly shouted at me,
"Holding onto a false hope that there is a happy ending is just foolish and thats how you end up hurt like you always are. Because you're such a dumb ass for buying into stupid shit like that. Not once either. You do it pretty much all the time. ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!"

Thats why I shouldn't be allowed to think. It always turns into something negative somehow, someway shaper or form. Nora says its because I'm in a rush. That because I'm looking for love and that it should come naturally. Which isn't entirely true. I'm trying to let it come naturally I'm just behind it pushing it towards me. I'd call it assisting. Of course I'm met with a hand to the head and some stern talking to about "whats the rush? We're only teenagers dear." and things like that. But I mean I look at it this way. I could wake up tomorrow and be fucking dead. I could get shot, hit by a bus or the world could come to a fucking end. I don't want to die and not know if I ever could have had a happy ending or anything like that. I sure as hell don't want that...I want to know and I think thats my problem. I'm in a rush to be tied down. I don't know why either. I mean love is some frustrating stuff. I've been in it before. I know of it. Relationships and all of that are to much trouble...But in the end I feel that its all worth it actually. I feel that all the struggling and fighting and all of that will be worth it because I won't be doing it alone. I'd be with someone. I'd be with someone I loved....To bad it doesn't ever go as planned huh? Ah well I'll just keep my options open I guess. See what develops and if love comes my way. Although I'm seriously on a "fuck relationships" mode right now...I still like them though. I want them. Even kinda sorta now. Its just they're so damn frustrating. And sitting here reading this is making me miss someone. :/
Good job brain.
You fucking suck.
With your over thinking and pessimism and other shit.

*Yawn* well its 1:34 been writing this thing for about 30 minutes....WHAT?!?!?! 30 minutes. Damn thats a long time. I have no life whatsoever.
I want sleep. I want love. I want some happy ass fairy tale ending that I know I'm not going to ever have because quite frankly I get fucked over royally.

Hrmm don't mean to come off as an emo bitch [[thats how I'm going to start describing my emotion spouts because well I don't know. I guess hearing that kinda hurt me.]] I'm petty. Take it how you want it.

G'night.

Stay up.

EDIT: Noticing a lot of spelling errors in these posts. Thats not good Marcus. Not good at all.

Two's a company three's a crowd. No room for you Makasu...

Hrmm I seem to be more into this blogging thing than I thought. Hahaha its become as addicting to me as myspace was and still kinda is. :/ oh well it'll die out eventually. I think? I hope....

Anyways cancel the plans on La Raz or whatever its called. I decided not to go just for the simple fact that Kim's bff Chris is going with her. And I mean she hasn't seen him in like forever so I figured it'd be best to let them catch up and be all best friendy [[not even a real word]] and stuff and me not be a third wheel. As the saying goes. "Two's a company three's a crowd." Plus I don't want to be a burden on anyone or anything like that. Hrmm where have I heard that before? [[Makes mocking noise]] "I don't want to be dragging you around. Blah blah blah." Hah damn past. Seems like things from it keep coming back and into my head. Why? I don't know. It needs to stop though. Its just ever since that time it seems like everything for me has been more of a "I think thats what everyone thinks of me." kinda thing. Although I've heard multiple times that it was just one person saying that. Still that one time is enough to make you question everyone in general. Even yourself as I'm doing. Hah.

So yeah decided not to go. Just because I wasn't invited, and I don't know. I don't want to be in the way. As I constantly feel that I'm being to most people anyways. And yeah yeah yeah I know I sound emo or whatever. Shut the hell up. Its my ways of thinking I don't go into your house and judge you based upon the way you think or anything like that....

Anyways -_-*sigh* just think I kinda depressed myself. Hahaha. Going to become a lardy fat comic book guy now. Although Adam Hughes is a pretty awesome guy. :D

Moving on...

Dreaming for me is becoming a bit of a hassle...Its not something I enjoy anymore its more like a chore. And I hate chores....
Blah. And apparently I've been sleeping with a knife in my bed. Hrmm odd. A butter knife at that. It was stabbing me in my side when I woke up and I think its been there for a while. I don't know....Its odd. Its scary as well. How long has it been there? A lot of the stuff that shows up in my bed is scary actually. Hahahaha.

Anyways peep this!


Drawn by Kim. Pretty awesome. It has her style all over it. Am I that dark? Hahahaha I love it though. Its the first time I've actually been drawn. :D good stuff.
Although I'd never wear a yellow shirt underneath a black one... ;] but thats just me being picky and making fun.

My hats to you Kim. Much appreciated.
Its things like this that make me smile. Makes me actually feel appreciated and cared about y'know? Stuff like that.

Hahaha.
Gay.

Stay up.

Phone converstaions and the like...feeling rather peachy?

Well good news is I feel 100% better than I did yesterday. :D couldn't be happier about that. Guess I just had a one day fling kinda thing or something? I don't know I'm just happy it got better instead of worse y'know? Although my head still hurts a little but thats a normal with me...Anyways yeah feeling really good right now. Not in pain or anything like that. So yeah feeling real good.

But now its onto something thats bothering me since I don't have any new art or anything to post. Take this as a rant. Hah. But my dreams...they keep getting weirder and weirder. Like I'm getting stuck in them or something...I don't know what it is. But its really starting to upset me. They start off really great and all of that but in an instant they turn to shit. Its like a reflection of my life. How I start off happy then end up sad and mad and all of that stuff...I don't know. Take for instant the dream I had yesterday/this morning. Excellent. I was married, young, a successful artist and all of that. I don't know who I was married to. I know for a fact that she wasn't black though. I don't do black. Nothing but trouble. Hah. Biased? I know. But its based off of personal experience as well. Anyways different story for a different time. Anyways then all of a sudden the dream turns horrible. I wake up [[or so I thought and notice that I'm not in my usually cramped bed. I wake up in some trendy ass loft high above the city. But something was off...I wasn't happy at all. I was alone. Just this big ass bed, me and an apartment...Nothing else. It was confusing and upsetting. What happened to the wife and all the happiness? Maybe it left like everyone is destined to do? Maybe it never even existed? Maybe I'm dreaming right now and in reality I'm actually 23+ and living the life. Only thing is I'm stuck in a constant flashback that seems to be playing out like a movie? If only that were the case. Then I'd be more understanding but that'd mean I'm stuck in the past....Not good. Anyways its been going on for a while. They keep getting weirder and weirder and its harder to tell reality from fiction....hrmmm haven't I said that before? I don't know its weird. I wake up but I'm not awake. I see my room and everything looks normal. Of course the first thing I do is make sure I'm awake. Big mistake because after that hell breaks loose. Long story short my dreams are actually starting to scare me...Don't know what to think of them anymore. Don't know if they have any special meaning or anything like that....

Then today I wake up. Nothing out of the normal right? Wrong!
My dad gives me money?!?! He never ever ever does things like that. And I mean never! So something is obviously wrong there. $20 USD...its odd actually for real. Maybe moms said something to him and he finally caved? I don't think so. I don't know. I'll hold onto the money as long as I can though...see whats up with it.

I'm hoping to save this money to either:
A. Pay my phone bill.
B.It'll go towards something stupid.
C. Kim and stuff.

Probably going to to end up being C. though because well we go out to lunch like every other day. And its a rather expensive affair...Kim's a rather expensive person at that...Wonder what she's doing now?

Anyways moving on!

Decided to get off of my ass since I spent all day yesterday sleeping and complaining about stuff and skate. It was great. A little rocky at first because I haven't actually skated for real in about a week or so...Not to sure there. But yeah it took some getting back into the swing of things. Worked on my Spacewalks, G-turns, Kickflips, Ollies, Heelflips, Pop shuv-its, Primo's, One wheeled primo's, Varial Heels, Tre flips, Frontside Flips, FS 180 ollies, Fakie triple kickflips, and double flips. I'm pretty sore from that work out. Hahaha that alot of tricks and thats barely scratching the surface of them. I need to get all of them solid so I can use them in S.K.A.T.E. and not lose again like I did on wednesday? Yeah it was wednesday...against David Rubio. Won't happen again. Of course the session got canned because some asshole decided to park in the fucking skate spot. Good job moron. Whats even better is out of the shitty honda jumped two ingnorant ghetto wannabe gangstas [[whose pants were below their waist they were petty much down.]] and a whole bunch of half-dressed morbidly obese women. I believe they'd be considered Ho's by rap standards. And not good looking ones at that. Anyways they canned the session and now I'm pissed about that....For real. But its cool because I did get some skate time in and thats fine I guess...I need a new board for real...

Called Kim yesterday. It seems like it'd been forever since the last time I'd talked to her on the phone. We usually used to talk for 2+ hours late at night when I could afford to keep my celluar. But now we don't even talk that often. :/ the only time we really do talk is when we're at school at lunch and sometimes on myspace. Seems like she ignores me or doesn't notice me half of the time. Oh well. Y'get used to it I guess. Anyways where was I? Oh yeah I called her. Always an adventure because she never answers the phone. Its usually her mom....Which is where the problem arises. I have nothing but respect for her mom and what she does and I'm not trying to talk down on her or anything [[so if someone is going to take it that way then stop reading now]] and I apologize if I offend Kim or her mom. Not intentional. I'll probably take this part of the blog out just to be safe. We'll see what happens. Anyways I called her and her mom answers. I'm actually afraid of Kim's mom because she doesn't speak English that well and tends to yell at me. I don't know how you guys take adults yelling at you but its rather scary. Especially when its a[n] woman. Anyways keep in mind I feel like absolute shit when I was calling her. I could barely talk or anything like that:

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
"Hello?"
"Hi may I speak to Kim?" I ask struggling to get the words out.
"Huh?" her mom screams I think?
"May I speak to Kim?" I say a little louder trying to make my voice sound normal.
"WHAT?!?! YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!?!" her mom yells back.
"..."
"Hello? You there? Speak louder."
"MAY I SPEAK TO KIM?!?!?! MAY I SPEAK TO LY?!?!?" I yell back as hard as I can.
"What I can't hear you...Why're you calling? No." her mom yells back. Then I get something in Vietnamese. Could quite make it out and a rather angry, "BYE!" *Click*

Now at this time I'm a little peeved because one I didn't feel good. I know her mom didn't know that but still I was really trying to communicate her and be calm throughout it. And another thing that really upsets me is people hanging up on me like that. I'm not angry at her mom for any of this it was just a very irritating affair. But there was nothing that could be done about it. So I decided to myspace Kim and let her know what had happened.

Again I'm met with the oh so familiar cold shoulder that I seem to get from her a lot. And I mean a lot...I don't know if I upset her or something. I wasn't trying to. I didn't really feel that great [[as I've stated before]] and yeah it was a rather frustrating affair. So if you read this sometime soon Kim I apologize if I made you mad or offended you. Wasn't on purpose but it was due to lack of communication I guess....

My brother was like, "Why don't you get Kim to teach you how to say it in her native language outlander?"
He's been playing to much Elderscrolls: Morrowind and Oblivion.
I respond, "Because I'm lazy, and thats to much trouble y'know?"
"You're dumb..."
"Well it happens I guess."
"And you're ugly, you black bastard"
"Fuck you ass."

Thats usually how our conversations end up. Him calling me ugly or talking down upon me and me cussing at him. Its brotherly love at its best. Hahaha. Like a comedy.


Man I need to get my cellphone cut back on. It'd be a lot easier that ways for real..
But to do that I need money. The only problem is I can't save money to save my ass. Hahaha. Which is non-existent just like. Hahaha play on words. But yeah need the money. Hopefully I'll have it soon and then I can talk all I want for another month and not have to worry about a thing. Although this would also be a lot easier if my parents didn't have that stupid "No calls after 9 rule." that seems to be common among black families. Damn them and their same thinking.

Ahh simpler times...where'd you go?

Anyways I've been rambling on in this blog forever it seems. Its just a lot has happened to me in the past 48 hours. I guess I should break it up but I figured I'd give you guys something to keep you entertained. Does anybody even read this blog?

Well I'm kinda tired the ruined skate session has worn my arse out and now sleep is calling for me.

Don't know when I'll have some new art to show. Just stay tuned I guess.
Meh. Also one last rant thingy. Inking fucking sucks. Its the most frustrating thing ever I swear it is. Makes me hate art even more although I love it so much....Ahh well it takes practice I guess...I GUESS.

Wanna go to La Raz? La Paz? Raz Paz? Raz Pa? I don't know the name. Want to go but I'm not to sure as of yet whats up there. Need to find a ride if thats the case.

We'll see what happens though.

Stay up.

Get lots of bedrest and make sure you drink plenty of fluids....

Ahh what time is it?
12:27?
Fuck man that means I've been knocked out for the past 16 hours?
Thats alot. Since 9 last night to just now....Damn I slept alot.
Its all good though because I still feel like shit. I actually feel a little better now that I've gotten plenty of bedrest. My head still hurts a little and things are still a little spinny [[from the cough medicine I took that has a giant warning that reads: MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS]] I downed about a whole bottle and a half of the purple stuff. Made me whence and shudder and nearly hack out my lung. Guess its working though because my throat doesn't hurt as much and I can talk a little bit better. Before it had sounded like I'd smoked 80 cigs at a time for the past 18 years. It was horrible. My mom was even like, "Ewww" when I woke up this morning asking her if she had some medicine...

I have to much to do but I don't have the energy to do anything. I don't even want to be writing this blog...Blah. I hate being sick. Because usually when I do get sick I'm the first one then everyone else gets it after me and then I get it again. :/ that sucks. Anyways I don't remember much of anything from yesterday. I don't even remember coming home...I also find myself having conversations with people and not being aware that I'm talking to them. I had this strange little short dream where my brother was handing me a tray of something [[noodle soup?]] and when I woke up I found myself with my arms extended waiting to receive the tray. Its weird. I do know that last night I kept waking up gasping for breaths. It was quite scary and I thought I was going to die! Luckily I didn't and I'm sitting here writing this blog. Hah. Anyways I'm not up to a hundred percent because well I told you earlier...But I do feel a lot better. And I mean a lot. I just want to sleep though. Sleep and not wake back up for a while...A long while actually. But I have to much work to do. I need to draw. And like crazy. I'm already upset that I've wasted most of the day away by being sick and sleeping. :/ but that can't be helped I guess. Damn immune system.
Anyways all I need is plenty of bedrest and to make sure I drink plenty of fluids like the doctors always tell the patients on the shows and I should be back to normal...Hopefully.

Blah.
Being sick sucks.
And now my body aches all over and its really cold. Hahaha.

I haven't thrown anything back up yet so thats good. I ate some instant noodles [[ramen if you will]] and yeah then passed back out after that. Or did I dream that up as well? Its really hard to tell reality from hallucinations at the moment...

More sleep?


Stay up.


EDIT: Hrmm I'm not liking the look of my blog either. Its rather plain and boring...I think I'm going to switch it up a bit and see how that fares. Wish me luck. Feel like shit.

Instant noodles...

Is what I'm forced to eat. I fear I'm getting terribly sick...my throat feels like its closing up and its been bothering me like crazy. So I'm now eating Maruchan instant noodles to hopefully help ease the soreness of my throat. I don't want to get sick. I don't need to be. Blah. But I don't feel good at all. Thank goodness we have a three day vacation thing coming up. I need to find something to do though...Maybe I'll take the time to catch up on work or something? Maybe I'll be in bed sick like. I don't know...I need more instant noodles though. Hahaha. Damn I don't feel good. Not at all. Blah. Oh well at least I didn't get super sick [[just jinxed myself.]] because the flu has been going around like crazy...Hopefully I didn't catch it from one of the various teachers who seem to be sick at our school as well...I hope not. Its only sorta bothering me so we'll see what happens tomorrow and how I feel. Might not go to school though....Anyways yeah I'm really cold as well...I seriously do think there is something wrong with me because I'm wearing pants, shorts underneath them, a shirt and well I'm fully dressed. I should be hot and sweaty like it is usually at my house but I'm sitting here freezing my ass off...Damn this sucks....Need more noodles....want more noodles. Hahaha. This whole tagging incident still has me kinda on edge. We'll see what happens though.

Oh well sometimes it happens.

Damn I don't feel good at all.
Don't think I'll be going out this weekend. Blah. Or maybe I will. Kinda want to check out this RAZ Paz thing or whatever it is that has Kim all excited. But if I don't get any better then I'm not going.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go make some more noodles. Maybe the ones with the shrimp?

Stay up.

Tagging and shit I swear art is going to be the death of me....

So apparently there's blame going around of some "gang related taggings" appearing on buses. Naturally everyone would think to look towards the artist right? Funny thing about it is. I didn't do shit. I'm innocent. I think they're going to get my friend Kool-aid though because well they seem to have it out for him. He's the first one people are coming to and blaming. So yeah he might get the blame. Which would suck because well it just would. The simple fact that I blame the youth of today for this little mishap. Gang related taggings....shame. Anyways since he's probably going to end up getting blamed for this I don't really have much to worry about. I'm innocent and all of that so we'll see what happens...But Him...they blame is going to get put on him hard. Which is kinda messed up because other people from other schools have to ride the buses as well right? So what makes them think that it wasn't one of them y'know? Why do the kids from our school automatically get blamed? Sure there was that incident where all the "taggers" were getting caught at our school...But I mean that doesn't mean that everone at tech is a tagger. Tagging isn't even my thing. I'd prefer to express myself in drawings rather than simple scribbles over territory and other shit. Things that people are willing to kill over just because of the wrong name, race, or color. Yes something so innocent like color is whats killing people today as well...Anyways I swear arts going to be the death of me for real....Hopefully Kool-aid won't get blamed for all of this nonsense and hopefully all this will blow over. I don't know. I don't care. I know whats true and all of that. So its me against them. Although this should be interesting because some people are weak minded people and crack under pressure. Whats also interesting is that the driver is now going to place blame for all of the taggings on that individual. Which means if they do declare Kool-aid as the "culprit" then that means he gets blamed for the one's he didn't do as well as the others that have been noticed. Isn't it great how the system works? Sarcasm to the max. Anyways we'll see what happens...It should all come to head in the next few days or so....Its just damn I'm kinda worried because I just so happened to be in one of the "spots" at the wrong time I guess. We'll see though. We'll see....

No art this time because I'm in a serious crunch to get my shit together now. Plus its been a while since I've been able to draw anything. I've been neglecting and rejecting my pencil. So I seriously need to get out of this art block and get cracking to shirt designs. Waco is in less than a week and yeah...The pressure is on.

Its just this whole tagging thing has got me on edge...Have they even thought to consider the fact that maybe it was one of those little kids that did it? I mean they were on the bus before we were and they had stuff like cellphones and stuff. What the hell is a little kid [[no older than the age of 7]] doing with a freaking cellphone? I can't even afford to keep mine on and I wasn't even allowed to have one till I was at least in the the 7th grade. Kids these days have it so easy. For real...

Oh well we'll see what happens. Blame is already going around and people are pointing fingers at Kool-aid. So yeah we'll see what happens. Hope he doesn't get blamed for it though and hopefully all this shit blows over....

I need to draw...

Oh and yesterday was very interesting. For real. Made some leway in pretty much everything and yeah stuff seems to be getting back to normal...I got verbally bitch slapped by Kim yesterday. First one I've gotten. It was pretty harsh. Made me seem like a horrible person. But it also made me open my eyes and see that I spend most of my time wallowing in my own pitty and I shouldn't be that way...A slap of reality is all that it takes I guess to make you realize that you need to change. Still was a little harsh. Hahaha. I didn't know how to take it though because I was left speechless. Seemed like she'd been holding it in for the longest time and finally decided to let it out. Hah.

Stresses...

As of late I'm under alot of stress....And I mean alot.

School, life, family, friends, art, money, relationship [[or lackthereof for that matter]]

I don't know. Its funny how alot of people see me a very chill person. I am actually. Its just sometimes I have thoughts....things like that. It happens. But yeah I'm under alot of stress and the pressure is on for me to come up with lots of new arts for my trip to Waco. Yeah me. :/ sarcasm.

Plus I'm in the biggest art block of my life at the moment. I mean I literally cannot think of anything to draw. Perfect timing too...Not really. I think its because I'm spending most of my time trying to come up with comic pages and stuff for my portfolio. Takes alot of creativity to come up with an idea that hasn't already been thought of y'know? Funny stuff.

Anyways since I don't have any new art I really want to show heres is a picture of Kim. My current love interest so to speak...

Enjoy!


Kim.

I'll admit I messed up on the eyes. I hate drawing them at times. I hate drawing at times. Blah. :P
More to come soon. Maybe actually some pages or something. I don't know yet.

Stay up.

I'm not going to lie...

But I'm really missing Kim at the moment. :[

I know she doesn't like shit like this but honest to goodness. I miss her.

Damn rain and its effect on my emotions and shit....
Its all peaceful and all of that but it makes me I dunno weird?

Blah.

Stay up.

Peach Tea....

Damn what time is it?
8:11? a.m?!?!?
It just seems like I was laying down in my bed thinking on things from Valentines....
Yes this is a blog where the ever present Kim is mentioned. :]

Ahh Valentines day...one of the most dreaded days of the year for me. Its all filled with love and happiness and all sorts of other things that make me want to vomit. One big as corporate scam :p blah....But this year was different. This year was a different Valentines day that made me think that its not that bad of an ordeal. For one I wasn't actually alone on this day. I wasn't really single either [[well whatever you call it]] I was with Kim. And that usually means its going to be something great or fun. Somewhere in between the two? Anyways we decided to spend the day together. Having decided on it the previous night while having this weird myspace conversation using the friend status instead of message or comments like normal people would do...Anyways yeah I was late [[a first actually usually she's the late one. Hah]] but its because I'd decided to ditch 3rd period and hop in my friends Car and drive all the way to Benbrook. Another story for another time. Hahaha. But anyways it was only two to three minutes late. Kim took it like it was an hour and I was greeted with a nice fist to the rib/gut. A usual with her. And a stern "You're late you ass!" I could just hear my friend Alfonso and Jahaziel laughing at me from the car they were in. Great. Anyways after some quick apologizing and some rubbing on my hurt rib we departed to the coffee house gallery?....

[[Time lapse]]

Upon arriving at the coffee house after Kim explained to me how she liked Valentines day because she could give people kisses and more small talk we were there. Inside Kim decided to order food BUT was 4 dollars to short of $10.86. What made it funny was that she decided to count in spanish which made it even more funny because she got stuck on ciete [[7]] and yeah I had to spot her the $4. I actually think this is the first time that Kim has had to pay for anything since we've been seeing each other. Hah. Anyways she once again got this weird mushroom thing...that was slimy. Eww it was some of the nastiest stuff I'd ever seen. I'd eaten it the time before when we were here with Daisy the last time but this time I wasn't going to eat it. I didn't even want to look at it. Kim rather enjoyed it...Nasty. Anyways before we got the order of food. I wanted to snap a couple of pics for drawing purposes. Kim was being rather stubborn. And so I was going to get her to smile. Well upon extending my hand to try to get her to smile [[did I mention that she's a rather stubborn person at times?]] I just so happend to graze her glass of peach tea and spill it all over the table, her jacket, and my pants. :/ just great. Smooth moves Marcus. Real smooth. Anyways I just sat there dumbfounded for a while until she was like, "You better clean this up." and so I sprang into action. Darting around the corner and up to the counter to ask the cashier for some napkins or anything to clean up the mess. I'll tell you something she'd been hitting on Kim the entire time since we walked in there and she flashed that ever so seductive smile of hers that seems to get me going at times. Damn Kim and her womanly wiles. Hahaha. Anyways the lady was quick to go over there and assist us. Or more like Kim...Anyways she grabbed her glass and was like, "Here I'll get you a new one with some more ice." it was alot of tea for a small glass. It didn't make much sense. Anyways while they were dealing with that I was busy trying to get the tea off of my lap. For fear that it may have looked like I'd pee'd on myself like some eight year old child who couldn't hold it in. It was all one big mess. Horribly embarrassing but it was to funny to not laugh. :D Anyways the lady had returned with Kim's "peach tea" she made sure she knew that she'd mentioned that it was peach tea and gave it to her. They exchanged looks and Kim gave a slight flirty comment complimenting the young lady on her shirt and some lame flirty thing that the lady obviously liked. I was trying my hardest not to laugh my ass off. [[Lmao]] but yeah it was a great and funny moment. My crotch smelled like peach tea....Damn Kim and her womanly wiles. Hahaha.

[[Time lapse]]

Walking around mid downtown. Pretty fun. Always is. Not going to go into details on this one because well...It was great. :D hahaha. Had alot of fun though. For real. The whole peach tea thing is still kinda funny and I'm chuckling just sitting here typing this [[instead of doing my work as usual]] hahaha. But yeah Valentines this year was pretty damn awesome. Still think the holiday sucks and is a corporate scam to get money; but all in all I'm a little less biased about it. Hahahaha.

Since I'm still in a bit of an art rut at the moment I'm still picking up realism time and doing portrait sketches.


Brenda Sketch. Done in my first period class. Pretty fun stuff. She's so light so it was really fun to draw her. Again this is a sketch. Took about an hour on this one. But yeah it was fun. The sub guy was like, "Man you're going to get alot of girls that way." funny shit.


And a sketch of me. :D I don't really like it but thats because I don't like looking at myself in general. Blah. Its okay but still not the greatest. None of these are. Blah.
Damn art rut.

Hahah I'm probably going to get it for posting a blog about Kim....

Stay up.

Valentine's Day...

Was pretty fun. I'll update this tomorrow. Gots some new art and things like that.
But yeah it actually wasn't that bad. :D

Stay up.

Pack your bags...

'Cause we're heading to good ol' Waco, Texas for competition.
Not to sure whats going to happen this year. Hopefully it'll be alot easier [[don't think so since there are more people going this year. :p]]
Which means I actually have to do work...
Which I should be doing now while sitting in my grahic arts class typing this blog.
Hah. Laziness to the max.

I kinda have art block at the moment. But I was able to whip up something I think is pretty decent.
Portrait of my friend Nora. Drew this while I was in my "art rut"
yesterday. .5 mechanical pencil, Blue ballpoint ben, Standard sharpie.
I happen to like the way it came out. :D actually made me thing I have some talent. Of course I asked my brother what did he think of it and he gave me his usual, "It looks like shit." speech that I usually get when I ask him what he thinks about my art. :/ maybe thats why I'm so picky about my art? I don't know....Either way this was really fun to draw. Since some people seem to think I don't have any realism in my style. And I only draw fantasy stuff I figured I'd whip this sketch up. Yes I did call it a sketch. 45 minutes done in my sketch book. Means nobody is going to get it. Hahaah. I'm going to show it to Nora see wha she thinks. I messed up on the shirt and some other areas but again it was for fun. Probably going to throw some paints down on it to see what it looks like. :d

Today seems pretty chill....lets hope it stays that way for real...

More on the competition when I get back from it!

Stay up.

Tomorrows Valentines day....
Blah.
Need to do some love art then. XD

Just keep...

Your mouth shut. Its all I need to do.
Its what I should do.
So I will.

Today was total shit for me...everything about it was shit.
People don't care. You don't care. I don't care.
Why the hell am I even writing this?

I'm just going to keep my mouth shut. Its the best thing to do.
Not mention things. Not say a single word. Not give a damn.

Fuck it.
I suck.

Been hearing that alot lately.
Starting to think its true.

Gawd damn I'm so fucking stupid for real...

Stay up.

Over...

Starting over on this blog I guess. :/

Stay up.