Pushing it...

I'm seriously trying to push myself as an "artist". Partially because I want to get better but another reason being that I HAVE to get better. I don't know. I feel I have something to prove and I'm never actually fully satisfied with what I do...I guess thats a good thing because it keeps me on my toes and makes me want to improve more and more each time. But for some odd reason I keep making small simple mistakes that I should be catching by now...I'll get it right one of these days. My shoulder is still bother me. >:V I need to get that looked at.

But I drew another picture of Nora [[posted at the end]] because I wasn't to happy with the other one that I did of here [[I haven't posted it up yet]] but she really liked it! Some of her friends did as well! :D which is good because it means that I'm getting some sort of exposure but its also bad because people are starting to just use me for my art. And since I don't really charge anything for it I let them get away with it. :/ I got a friend request from some guy asking me about my art. Thing is I don't know him. I'm all open for making new friends and then they be like, "Hey can you draw me?" But it doesn't seem to be happening that way. Its more like hey I'll just befriend him for his art. Not to get to know him as an individual. :/ which kinda erks my nerves. I could just tell them no I'm not going to draw you but I've always been bad at telling people "no". Its like a double edged sword actually...

I don't know. I need to set new rules on my art or something.
And I need to improve as an artist in general....

We'll see what happens though.

Art dump pt. 1

 I've been having a lot of issues with muscle aches as of recent. Its really starting to bother the hell out of me. :/ I don't know. I guess because I'm sleeping wrong but its really starting to bother me.

I have enemies...

Not really a surprise. I'm well aware that there are people who don't like me. Because well there are people that I'm not quite fond of myself. Thats life. Not everyone is going to like you. I don't really care if you do or don't because well I'm me and you'll either like me or hate me. Either or is fine with me. Anyways moving on. So there's this douche on this site I hang around [[waste my time pretty much]] goes by the name of Despain, Missiningo, The Engineer and various other alias. Well he's got it out for me for some odd reason. I guess its because I'm black. As he's made some pretty racist comments towards me in the past. But it goes over me because well I'm not really one to let racism get to me. Anyways but he has it out for me because I use smileys! [[ie: :) :( :/ :V]] things like that. Among other things. I got temporarily banned [[it was lifted]] because he doesn't think I'm funny [[which is fine because some people think I am while others don't.]] but apparently this guy hates me. Like seriously has it out for me. I got a Pm from a moderator [[Thank goodness she's got my back]] letting me know that I'm on his "shit-list" which I've heard that term way to many times in the past from my father. :/ anyways so she just told me to keep my head low, don't post in "nfg" and other things. Which is fine I guess. Rmxp.org is a fucking mad house now. I like it because its a good place but seriously there are some dicks there. Despain being one of them. :/ but most people know that. I figured he would come after me sooner or later. I guess I'm kinda taken by surprise because I DID like him as a person but now that he's on my ass I can't say that I'm fond of him. But its whatever. I'll fight that douche if need be. Because he's an overweight gorilla-bear looking man. And well I'm not intimidated by him because of the fact that he's just another asshole that you meet online. Kinda like the ignorant people you run into at stores. He'd be one of those. Either ways though yeah Despain doesn't like me. :D congrats dude. Join the club. I don't know I don't really care either. Ahh well this'll pass. I'm just going to keep my head low on rmxp for a while. Its times like these that I'm reminded of why I left that long time ago actually...

Special thanks goes out to Venetia for having my back though. Thanks dearly deary!

The problem with...

Ale.

Is the fact that my "friends" Amy and Ana seem to have a problem with. Which I'm fine. I'm not saying you have to like who I'm with. I honestly don't care. But the fact of the matter is they're trying to make me out to be some kind of idiot for no fucking reason at all. Just because I have feelings for her [[surprise!]] I'm an idiot because of "intuition". Seriously? What the fuck is that? Intuition is a hunch. Its something that you think is right but you don't know for sure. Why the fuck would I throw away what I have with Ale just because of SOMEONE ELSE'S intuition? That literally makes no sense. Its a silly little argument.Because they're both trying to get the best of me and in reality they don't know exactly what they're talking about. Again though I'm not saying you have to like who I'm with. As long as they make me happy thats all that really matters y'know? I just wish they'd see that and let me make my own mistake[s]. If there even is one. I'm not saying I'm going to marry her, geez life could once again fuck me over. I never said I was going to complain to them either. But they keep bringing up my past relationships like its a valid excuse. I'm in love at the moment [[at least I think so?]] and I've been in love before. As is the thing with being young and in love shit happens and it could quickly go south in a matter of minutes. The thing about it is while I guess they have good intentions [[guess being the key word]] they're going about this entirely wrong. :/ Like seriously. I'm not a baby, I can make my own mistakes and this is just going to have to be one that I have to learn on my own. And if so then well I've been on my own before. Its nothing new now. They just don't understand I'm pretty happy at the moment. Things with Ale are good and just because of some past mistakes or something [[I'm not even sure of what]] they're all down my throat.

I called Ana [[which was a mistake to begin with]] just to see how she's doing. I didn't mention Ale or anything I wanted to see if she's okay because I had heard that she had gotten into a serious argument with her boyfriend. But I'm met with a personal attack about Ale. Like seriously? Its bad enough most of the time you act like you don't want to talk to me but when I do want to try to have a 'normal' conversation with you [[I'm talking about Ana]] you explode at me for no reason at all! And gawd knows that both of them are as stubborn as ever when it comes to things like this. Especially Ana. :/ but the fact of the matter is that I don't have a problem with Ale. They do. We're at odds ends and at a stand still. So now I'm not even sure whats up with this whole situation at the moment....

Gotta love teenage drama eh?