Scribbles -n- Bits

Freelancin'

2012-02-11T10:24:00.000-08:00

Got a job as a freelancer for a company. So thats what I spend most of my time doing nowadays. Pretty close to my dream job but not quite there. Oh well, can only go with the flow. :p

au revior

19, 20, 21...

2012-01-07T07:23:00.000-08:00

Paramore Hello Cold World Lyrics

I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel like running through the walls
I'm overjoyed, I'm undecided, I don't know who I am
Well maybe I'm not perfect, at least I'm working on it

22 is like the worst idea that I have ever had
It's too much pain, it's too much freedom, what should I do with this?
It's not the way you plan it, it's how you make it happen

Yeah, it's how you make it happen

It's such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and I can't get out
So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have
Such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and it's got me down
But I'll get right back up as long as it spins around
Hello cold world

Girls and boys keep lining up to see if they can measure up
They look good and they feel wild, but it won't never be enough
You say you're really hurting, at least you're feeling something

We can hope and we can pray that everything would work out fine
You can't just stay out on your knees, the revolution is outside
You wanna make a difference, get out and go and get it

Whoah, get out and go and get it

It's such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and I can't get out
So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have
Such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and it's got me down
But I'll get right back up as long as it spins around
Hello cold world

Don't need my eyes open
Oh I, I just want to feel something

It's such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and I can't get out
So I'll just make the best of everything I'll never have
Such a cold, cold world (hello cold world) and it's got me down
But I'll get right back up as long as it spins around (spins around)

Oh, whoah oh oh,
Oh, whoah oh oh, hello cold world
Oh, whoah oh oh,
Oh, whoah oh oh, hello cold world

Remember Remember...

2011-11-15T05:24:00.001-08:00

The month of November has been filled with absolutely nothing but D-R-A-M-A.

I figured I had abandoned all the drama in my life when I turned 21 and came to terms with the fact that the past was the past and I could do nothing to change it; therefore embrace what the where the world has left me today and the person I have become in this journey known simply as "life".

But that does not seem to be the case going into this month. I miss my days of innocence...When the world was so simple and I could find joy in just doing menial childish things. If I recall correctly when I was younger the adults would always tell us that life got easier as you got older. If I could remember who it was that told me these things I would surely punch them in the gut for being either incredibly naive or just a plain idiot.

Nonetheless I miss blogging.

I miss updating this thing but since I, like an idiot tied it to my gmail account and cannot unbind the damn thing by any means at all. Plus my youtube account had to be bound to my gmail account for my phone I often forget the password to this thing. Nonetheless I shall try to post more often here. And probably bitch a lot more...

Here's some pretty art for you to look at that ways its not just about me bitching.

I never finish anything I start nowadays.

Shame really.

Au revoir.

4th times a charm...

2011-09-13T20:38:00.000-07:00

Or so I'm told.

Add another to that list of people I make feel insecure.

My girlfriend.
Clarissa.

Bringing the grand total to *Drum roll please*
4.

There you go.

Touche.

And just like that...

2011-09-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

The world that made oh so much sense to me has once again fallen into the category of "unfair"

My father has fallen victim to a stroke. Happened monday, September 5 2011.
I got the call at 6:15 in the morning with my brother at a loss for words only simply saying, "Something is wrong with daddy..."
I arrived at Harris downtown promptly at 7 to find that my mother was completely in tears and speechless. Of course I did the only thing I could do for my mother; hug her.

He's been in the hospital since the 5th. His birthday was on the 1st.
He had just turned 48 and I had just talked to him to tell him happy birthday. He seemed so fine. Completely normal. He told me about his younger days and how women were always fighting over him. You wouldn't think it by looking at him now but my father used to be a handsome, strong man. Especially with that 18 inch afro he had going for him....

Its just crazy how the world is.
I literally was just talking to him the other day.

And now he doesn't even recognize his own sons...

He's sedated.
In an unstable condition. Unresponsive.

I don't want anything bad to happen to him. But I know this stroke has taken a lot from him already.

I can't even find the words to put into this stupid blog.

I'm completely stressed.

My life made so much sense not that long ago. And in an instant it makes no sense whatsoever.

Everything is falling apart. I'm barely holding on whilst fighting back tears.
I refuse to cry because I know if my father saw me like that he'd be like, "What are you crying for? You're a man save them for chick flicks." or something like that. I can't help but chuckle at the thought of him actually saying that.

How I'd love to hear him say that...

My thoughts are a scattered mess.

Stay up.

It's kind of a funny story...

2011-09-10T06:55:00.000-07:00

...the way the world works out sometimes.

here we go again.

Speaking of which I cannot for the LIFE OF ME remember my stupid password! Very frustrating indeed. Seems like I've been neglecting the blog for a bit. Because I have. I've been neglecting art as well.

Completely.

I've lost sight of myself. My ways. Where I'm going. Who I'm heading there with.

A lot has happened...
Some for better. Some for worst.

Stay up.

False sense of security...

2011-06-02T16:56:00.000-07:00

It appears me and all of my "dating" issues can be tied to one think; lack of security. :p who would've
thought something so simple would be the reason why I fail at relationships (heavy emphasis on the PHAIL part.)

Apparently I fail to make women feel secure. I'm the reason that all my past relationships have gone south because
I lack the natural ability to make women feel secure. If this is a thing of machoness then that's not being fair in my
justification. I'm a naturally skinny guy by default. My metabolism is set to "never gain weight and look like a 2010 Olsen twin"
Something I have no immediate control over. Therefore not feeling secure because mayhaps I'm waaaay skinny (too skinny if you ask me)
is just downright selfish and rather shallow if you ask me. I may be skinny but I guarantee I can put up a fight. At least enough
for someone to feel secure. I mean my dad spent years watching and imitating Bruce Lee films from his 19's to his 40's.
I'm sure I'm bound to have picked up some of his "kung fu hustle" somewhere in those genetics. :p Anyways I fail to make women
feel secure. This is the third time I've heard it. And recently. So it makes me wonder...Why is it that whomever I dated
feels so insecure around me? Is it because I'm tall? I like art? I'm rather kept to myself sometimes? Its none of those.
Its the simple fact that the one's accusing me of not feeling "secure" are the ones who have the security issues themselves. I'm not
saying that I'm perfect and all built to god's perfection (psh) in fact I'm the farthest thing. But if you don't feel secure around me
I think you're just intimidated by the fact that I am the way I am. Not very often you meet a white washed black person.
But its also not very often that you hear that you don't make someone feel secure either. :/ Unless you're me and out there in the dating world.
I think this is the key to why I'm single. Women don't feel secure around me and yet I have no idea how or what the fuck I'm doing wrong to make
them feel this way. I wish dating/understanding women had an easy button sometimes. It would just make my life easier at the end of the day.
But knowing my luck the damn button would be broken or be mislabeled or something along those lines.

I hate every single one of you.

Stay up.

I also can't remember the stupid fucking password or which email my blogger is attached too. :/ Go me.

I have....

2011-04-10T06:25:00.000-07:00

STREP THROAT

which has/is taking me out of action for a while. :p I've only worked one day this week and with rent thats due at 325 this is going to be a bit of an issue. :/

I've been out of action for the past 8 days. In and out of hospitals and whatnot. Getting plenty of shots in my ass. One of which contained nothing but pure penicillin, which I am EXTREMELY allergic too. Which of course cause the strep to kick into overdrive.

Not to mention I haven't eaten a damn thing in the past 8 days. So I have lost a massive amount of weight. On top of already being skinny I'm even more skinnier (redundant sentence?) and just getting skinnier as the days go on...

According to the doctors 10 second analysis (which cost me a hefty $255 mind you) in a matter of 6-10 days after all my medicine is gone I should start feeling better.

Speaking of which doctors are possibly the biggest sham ever. If you look into my mouth say, "eww. Get better." and then get paid $255 thats highway robbery. Bullshit in my opinion.

I hate hospitals.

But that was April 1st. Checked into a hospital didn't check out until April 8th.
I'll be back once this "sickness" stops kicking my ass.

Stay up.

LAZY!

2011-03-28T11:03:00.000-07:00

...Its going to be my downfall...
CLICK IT!

Stay up.

These things....

2011-03-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Take time.
But the end result is somewhat interesting.
Fist time drawing a child. So hopefully this will be a good learning experience.

Or severely frustrating.
I want to record myself drawing one time just to show the world my thought process.

Stay up.

13 hours...

2011-03-23T10:52:00.000-07:00

And I got tired of working on it. :p

My laziness as an artist is going to be my downfall.

Stay up.

And the moral of the story is...

2011-03-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

Never EVER invite the girl that you're taking out on dates (and wasting money on mind you) to a club.

She'll end up making out with "random guy A" that she met at another bar.
Then still expect a ride home.

Just my luck.

Stay up.

The road not traveled....

2011-02-03T22:11:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I've updated this thing.

A LOOOONNNNGGG TIME.

I'm in college now.
My life has gone to a confusing mess of pieces.
I'm 21.
I don't have much to show for it.
A few battle scars here and there. Not much else.

I would like to think that I was making the right decisions here and there as I was going along...but in reality. I'm just messing things up more than ever.

I've fought so hard on this road of mine. I'm worn out completely.
I've been beat up, bruised up, battered and trampled. I honestly see no reason for me to keep going. I can't keep going. My will is broken. My spirit has tasted defeat. My heart has tasted break.

When I was younger I used to strive for this "perfect romance" this false illusion I had cooked up in my head that I was supposed to met a girl, this girl was supposed to be "the one" and everything was supposed to be perfect. But in reality. I have yet to meet her. I'm beginning to think she doesn't exist. That I've created this false image in my head of this person who I'm destined to be with. So far I've only been led astray. Especially by how easily people can just walk out of my life without second guessing it. Like yet again I'm not of any importance.

That is the problem. I never get taken seriously. I'm not a serious guy but in some aspects of my life I would love to be taken with an ounce of seriousness. Treated like I actually matter and what I say isn't just misconstrued as me being "playful". But in reality I still get treated like a child.

I'm not an easy person to get along with. I know this first hand I've been putting up with my own shit for the past 12 or so years. Depression, loneliness, etc etc. I have flaws. I'm unsure, insecure and just confused about everything about myself. I'm trying to find who I am. And I figured that the journey would be easier if there was someone there along for the ride.

And that's the problem.
I thought.

My thoughts have always led me astray. They continue to do so to this very day.
Be it they focus on the negative in situations. That's why I believe my constant state of depression is of a medical condition or some psychological trauma that I'm in serious self denial about. I would like to take the latter option here. But again my thoughts and my heart lead me astray. Not just every once in a while. ALL THE TIME.

For the past 6 years they led me astray. Torn in two. Never sure about what they wanted. Or where they were going.

I'm 21.
I'm older than I was when I was younger.
I promised myself I would do away with the emotions that came with my younger years and would grow up a bit. Or at least attempt to make some form of progress on myself. Avoid wearing my heart on my sleeve to save for a broken heart later on in life, things of that nature. But so far its all been a complete failure.

This road I am on. I would like to hope that it has a happy ending somewhere on it. I would like to think that eventually things will settle in my mind and I won't be trapped by the fears or the past that seem to have a certain "sway" over me.

I would like to think that eventually it'll all make sense. Everything that I've been through. Everything that I'm going through will lead me to making becoming a better person.

But so far...

Stay up.

I...

2010-05-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

Never finish anything. :p

I need to finish more things. Also work on my composition among other things. My mind is racing like a million miles an hour on shit I need to "finish" artistic wise. College is coming up and hopefully my transfer to University. I feel like I'm still in a "cartoony" age even with my portraits. :/ Not bueno.

Stay up.

I don't know...

2010-05-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Why I usually wait for like one whole month to update this blog. :p I'm starting to fall out of the "internet social circle" anyways. Blah. I hope to update soon but I haven't done much of anything as of late. I haven't drawn anything since the last time. I've attempted to paint some portraits but thats ended terribly. :/ Nonetheless the band I play drums for (Which has the dumbest name EVER) is actually doing quite well. We're supposed to play at some club. 1919 or something like that. And that could possibly lead to us getting to go on tour! Oh my. BUT! Like I've been saying we need to write our own songs as I'm tired of Incubus covers and if I have to play HEY YA! one more time I swear I'm going to kick in my drums and never look back.

I'm just ranting though. My mind longs for a relationship. I haven't had a meaningful one of those in a while (two years coming up on three). :/ lets see what college brings.

Nonetheless so we're set to play this gig, we've gotten more studio offers. HOPEFULLY we take them. I seriously want to get into a studio. But I don't know.

I need to focus on more obtainable goals ie ART. My love, my passion, my desire, etc etc.

I guess thats it. I'll update this more often hopefully.

Stay up.

I suck...

2010-04-07T03:37:00.000-07:00

As an artist.

The end.

Stay up.

Nyan-Nyan

2010-03-07T09:19:00.000-08:00

Like that one Yu-Gi-Oh card I liked for some reason...

I really need to learn how to draw backgrounds. :p
I wonder how Reiq does it?

Stay up.

WIP

2010-03-04T15:42:00.001-08:00

I've been neglecting my tablet (and art) a lot as of lately. I'm very divided in my time. :P I need to focus if I'm serious about College. Which I am.

I've been widdling away at this for a while now. I'm actually getting sick of looking at it but I need to finish something so Blah.

UPDATE!!!

2010-02-22T03:11:00.000-08:00

Time for an update.

A lot has happened recently so lets try to tackle these in some kind of order.

COLLEGE: I DO still plan to go. Its just not this year. Like I'm going to take my basics at TCC this year (that ways I can weasel out of having to take SATS and then I can just work on my portfolio easier. So yes, college is still a plan for me. I did get lazy and stop working on my portfolio since my last post. Hell I haven't drawn anything since then either come to think of it...

RELATIONSHIPS: As far as I know I'm still single. And still searching. But a relationship isn't really at the top of my priority list at the moment.

MUSIC: This is my current project. So Saturday night/Sunday morning (10:30pm - 3:00am) I was in the middle of downtown (not really the middle of downtown but on the corner of Houston and 3rd) Playing as a temporary drummer in a band. On top of making a nice amounts of money. We got offered 1000 dollars to play at a club in Denton. But before that we got this offer from this guy dubbed "Hollywood" to record a demo. He liked our music playing enough that he was in fact serious (I thought the guy was bullshitting us but he called yesterday) and apparently we're set to get some studio time! But I don't know it seems like we're on the road to stardom to fast and easy. I mean shit really? Record deal anyone? Anyways so we exchanged info and Sunday I get a text from the lead guitarist telling me that "Hollywood" called him and said he wants us to record. Go figure. Then two chicks come by and they're all like hey we're from artsfifthavenue.com and we want you guys to play for us. I'm like whoa thats two offers!!! She was asking me about teaching drumming to youth but I'm not one for teaching. As I'm no Chad Smith myself. Nonetheless so she gives us her card and we get her offer. THEN the big 1g offer. So it all started with these black guys walking down the street and us playing a cover of Talk Show on Mute by Incubus. And they're like, "Hey kick us a beat" so all of a sudden me and Rudy (Lead guitarist) are playing them this beat and they kick like this 10 minute long freestyle battle. It was amazing yet scary at the same time. Never before had I seen so many black people gather around. I figured the cops would shut us down. But nope they didn't. I really wish I had recorded it. So anyways they're freestyling like there's no tomorrow. And after they finish the guys like hey how much would it cost to get you guys to come and play for our spot in Denton. And so Alfonso (Lead Guitarist/Vocals) is like "Like 1000" not being serious. But the guy took it serious and was like, "Like 1000 or 1000?" so this epic conversation ensues about how much we're going to get paid and the guys like "cool cool" BAM 1000 easily. Just for kicking a simple rock beat that I learned when I first started to play the drums. And thats when our band name was decided. Tree by the Street.

Nonetheless this weekend was amazing. I actually can't wait to go back and do it again next weekend to see what kind of bank we roll in and what other offers come in. As far as I know though we're set to record sometime soon and maybe actually get a track done. I seriously need new cymbals and drum heads before then though...

ISSUES: Speeding ticket. 96 on a 60. Cop only got me because I thought he was an ambulance. :p that tickets going to be expensive but I'm going to pay a traffic lawyer to take care of it for me. I'm going to be flat broke after that though. :/

I guess thats it. I should really draw more often. I'm going to start drawing more often actually. I miss it. I'm sure it misses me.

Anyways its 5am so I should probably be trying to get some sleep or something like that?

Stay up.

Its that time again..

2010-01-31T13:16:00.000-08:00

When I wait until last minute to go to college and in some miraculous way manage to put together a decent portfolio in time to register only to get denied my student loan. Just like last year. Anyways this year I've got lots of schools in mind and I'm lowered it down to my top 3.

Only problem is 2 of them require SAT1 scores and I've never taken SAT's yet alone prepared to take them. :p Hell I can barely add to save my life so yeah not possible. But I'm determined to get outta here and explore the world so this is portfolio piece number 1. I'm going to be cheap and use some of the ones I did last year just to catch me up. So we'll see how it goes wish me luck!

Fuck I hate doing portfolios.
This picture as the others are more than likely going to be undergoing serious renovations to ensure they're done to my utmost ability.

Stay up.

The...

2010-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

KIT.

>:)

It needs new cymbals though because the ones I have now sound like complete shit. :/

Stay up.

.20

2010-01-09T17:55:00.000-08:00

.20

I remember when I was younger and my counselor would ask me, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" me being the dorky little kid I was and obsessed with Bust-A-Groove would always respond "A nascar driver or a dancer!" which would usher me odd looks but what did I care? I was young and carefree or stupid if you wish.

Funny how as I look back on my youth and where I'm headed now I realize that when you're young things are more simpler; and when you're older they become more complicated. Responsibilities, fulfillment, wants and desires all come into effect. When you're younger you're almost carefree. Like swinging on a swing set but you're legs aren't long enough to reach the ground so you just sway to and fro, back and forth, the world beneath your feet, your mind carefree.

It was good to be young.
I can now honestly say "when I was younger" and it have actual meaning.
I wonder what life has in store for me now...
I wonder where tomorrow will take me and where yesterday has left me...

Its time to start making things "happen" and not wait for them to happen.

Got a long way to go, this is just the milestone on this crazy adventure called "life".

Happy 20th Makasu

Stay up.
Makasu

Great way....

2010-01-05T05:49:00.000-08:00

To start off the new year but completely wrecking my body... :/

ALAS as my last name has some terrible curse on it and anything thats bad seems to gravitate towards me like I have my own orbit or something another.

I slip.

And completely mess my body up.
Stomach was all cut up, hand are completely fucked. Just typing this is putting me through a lot of pain. Elbow dislocated. Leg cut up. Surprisingly enough though my pinkie didn't break. Which I figured it would because its all cut up but thats it.

So now I have 4 holes in my hand and then some. My left hand got off lucky only two holes in it. The right though. Nu-uh. 4 holes, torn up knuckles, cut to shreds pinkie, hole in my wrist [[wtf?]] and palm scratched to high hell. Oh boy oh joy what a great way to start off whats more than likely going to be another shitty year.

I need to start doing college prep as I have plans to attempt to attend Uni. sometime this fall. "Attempt" being the key word. But with my hands all mangled up likes like all the drawing is on halt.

Albeit this happened on the 31st. I walked into work, blood everywhere. Like I had just survived a Quentin Tarantino slasher flick or something, AND STILL HAD TO WORK! Ain't that some shit? My job is very discriminate against race. :/ If you're not Thai you're not shit. You don't get days off to play "soccer" you fall, you still have to work. And oh boy oh joy don't let you get injured. Just slap on some gloves and you're good to go!

I need a new job and fast. Music store is hiring so I'll put in an application there. Maybe I can score a drum kit off them for cheap or something. Hahaha.

ANYWAYS all that aside I'm all bandaged up, still have to work, still car less, girlfriendless, and anything else bothering me. Go figure. Story of my life.

So this year is starting off bad. Last year did too [[IE gf running off to get married to 10 year older guy. Also revealing that she's pregnant by him. Whilst I was none the wiser.]] Yep so lets see what this year brings.

Here's something I was working on but I couldn't get it to look right so now its just shit.

I SERIOUSLY need to practice anatomy...

Stay up.

Car's...

2009-12-25T21:08:00.001-08:00

Totaled.

This is what happens when people want a "White Christmas".

Worst.Day.Ever.

Stay up.

SKETCHDUMP'AGE!!!!

2009-11-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

Just dumping off some sketches from the ol [[and finished black book]] Some of these may actually become pieces. While others are just doodles...

I really need inspiration. But nothing inspires me. :/

Stay Up.

Demotivated? Is that even a word?

2009-11-15T05:13:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously overworked. I don't have time to do anything "fun" nowadays. And the worst part is I work all this time 10-7 mon-fri and I don't have ANY money. >:/WTF is that? I only get one day off [[which I'm wasting away updating this blog]] since its been getting neglected as of late. But its not necessarily my fault. I don't have internet [[except for my g1s]] and my brother decided it'd be a good idea to stuff our computer in his room. Which means that he's always on it and I'm forced to find other means to keep me entertained. Preferably Modern Warfare 2[[which yes I do own, and which yes I have beaten.]] Simply amazing, but kinda short. The midnight launch thing was okay. A lot of hardcore players were there. I was 14th in line so I got to get mine...well 14th. Hahaha. There was this little kid there that was a monster at the game [[parents let him play to many games]] and he talked a lot of shit. Good stuff. Good times.

Either ways I've been in an artistic slump. I've got my second sketchbook in the works but so far only one page has a doodle on it. :/ So Idk....I need to draw more but I lack motivation. Someone should inspire me!

Here's some art to keep you occupied since I lost ALL of my shit on fileden. :/

Off to play more MW2 :D

Stay up.

on...

2009-09-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

My own. Finally moved out of my parents house and into my own spot. Which means I have no rules! Huzzah the freedom of being young (19 at the time of writing this) and free to leave when I want, come back when I want and not have to worry about an FBI investigation or a full body cavity search when I try to sneak in past 2. It feels so free. Its simply amazing. You should keep me company one of these days. :) we can sit on my roof! Actually its not my own spot as I'm sharing it with the brothers but nonetheless its my place to call home now and do as much as I please...

also I'm without internet (I'm updating this via my G1) so I can't get to all the stuff I need to.

@Kim's email: I'm undecided on college at the moment. I wanna go but like I said I just signed a lease for the next 6 months. After that though its open season. Remembering my senior year and how it was spent doing battle with the art teach kinda makes me wanna stay out of classrooms and continue being a self-taught artist. So idk.

I guess that's it for now. When I get internet ill try to respond back to all the stuff I was missing and whatnot. So don't think I'm ignoring you. I'm just without the net. And its killing me actually. All my shits packed up still and I wanna get on the computer but nooo since we lack chairs its just waisting away...

I have new art stuff to show as well.

If you need to get in contact/touch/talk hit me up via cellphone or through myspace (if you have these items of course.)

Stay up.

Block'd...

2009-09-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

I never seem to finish anything artistically when I actually get into something. I just somehow lose my motivation to finish it and then I start noticing all of the "errors" I'm to 'self-critical' of myself at times I guess. But its pushes me to better myself. I think? But still I never get anything done it seems. Or at least not to my satisfaction.

I have art block once again. I've had it for the past 3 or so weeks. I wanna draw something but whenever I sit down to try and do something it comes out looking like shit.

So I'm going to post my unfinished [[aka shit-drawings]].
*most recent two are the first two.*

I'm frustrated.
I need inspiration.
Nothing inspires me as of late.

Stay up.

-3 = 97

2009-09-04T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yes indeedy.

I made a 97 on my driving test. And yes that does mean that I'm now an officially licensed Texas driver and don't have to have anyone over the age of 21 with me. I figured its only a matter of time before I get pulled over because I speed like a mofo. Hahaha last time I drove on the freeway [[which was yesteday on my way to work]] I glanced down and noticed I was going 80 on a 60. Its all fine though.

NONETHELESS! A 97. Thats better than anyone else in my house has EVER made. :D and I've been driving less time than all of them. Hell I figured I would've failed parallel parking but it was a breeze. Me and the instructor lady were talking about art the entire time so it made the rest of it easy as fuck. Not mention that I'm just naturally a good driver. :> Anyways yep. 97. I only missed 3 because my position on the parallel park was kinda forward and I didn't stop behind a stop sign. :/ but after the test the lady was like [[and I quote]] "You're an EXCELLENT driver. And you're now approved for a license. Make sure you smile big and I hope to see you in a gallery one of these days." Which made yesterday completely worth it. It was a good day. And now that the world is pretty much open to me to explore on my own. Nothings gonna hold me back. Except an empty gas tank. :p

Stay up.

Got...

2009-08-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

MY CAR!!!!

SO Happy. But until I get my credentials that say I can "legally" drive in texas I'm supposed to be accompanied by someone who has proper acknowledgement and over the age of 21. But fuck that I say. But yes I do have my car. Not the Gallant I wanted but Suzuki Forenza '05 ain't half bad. Not at all. Driving is the funnest thing. I wanna race so I'm gonna get it hooked up sooner or later. As well as get a new cd player since the shit spits them out when I put them in. Go figure eh?

ANYWAYS P-HOTOS!!!!
[pardon my shitty photography.]

:D

Super excited much?
Now the world is open to me. For the most part that is.
I just need to pass my driving test since I've already passed the written part.

Making moves.

Stay up.

Not to mention...

2009-08-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

The amount of stress I'm going through at the moment. I tend to stress-out WAY to easily.

I can't think of anything to draw. Yet alone whenever I do think of something it looks like shit. :/

Stress is killing my art....

Here's where the past 31 minutes of my life went to. A shit doodle.

I need to draw something serious soon...

Stay up.

Media...

2009-08-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

No art post this time. I promise I'll have something to show sooner or later its just well I've been busy. Work more than lately. I've worked all day for the past two days and I'm worn out. I better keep my off day Sunday or else I'm gonna be pissed. Chow has a habit of not paying attention to the things around him. Unless its a complaint from one of the residents. :/ ANYWAYS....

Ahh The Appleseed Cast. Simply amazing. Not the Pillows or the Seatbelts by any means. But they're damn good. Love it. I wanna learn the tabs for this song. But blah reading tabs takes more time than just playing from listening. And since I can no longer read music it makes legally learning them even more hard. :/

Oh well...

That its.

Stay up.

You'll make a good husband one day...

2009-07-31T20:17:00.000-07:00

Not really. My Boss Bia [[who has the hardest last name in the world to pronounce]] is training me to be a "good-husband" by working. She's always lecturing me about how one day I'm going to have a wife who will want me to do everything for her and by making me do all the heavy-lifting at work its preparing me for the future or something like that? It doesn't make sense. Then she's always lecturing me about how I should marry a nice Thai woman. Which I can't help but chuckle at. I don't see how I can be expected to be a good-husband when I can't even be a good boyfriend. Or something like that? I don't know. All I know is they're planning on "setting me up" with a girl from Thailand. Oh boy. Blind dates. Never fun. I do enjoy going on dates though. So I don't know. "Makus" Bia tells me because she speaks broken english, "You gonna make a good husband. You just need to learn dat women don't want a lazy bum. They want a real stron man to help them. Thats why you need to lift and work hard now so you can party later. I work for 37 years and I very successful woman." [[trying to type how Bia talks]] The lectures go on and on but happen every other day. And there's Nook. Who calls me Margaret. Which sounds nothing like my name but she's also Thai. It seems like everyone at my job is trying to hook me up with someone. I don't know why exactly. But wherever I turn I'm either getting talked to about having a girlfriend [[which some people think I specialize in]] or its about marrying a nice Thai girl. Siriporn was Thai. She was also tall. But she told me in Thailand they're afraid of black people. So I don't think me hooking up with a girl straight from Thailand is going to fare well. Although I think we'd have beautiful kids. Hrmm...Still the aspect of getting set up with the boss' pick doesn't appeal to me. Just because its Bia...And Bia is crazy. 37 years of working has messed up her brain. But she has good intentions. We'll see what happens with this whole "Thai wife" thing. But I swear thai women sometimes contain "surprises" which I'm not fond of. Ala are males. :/ not to talk bad about Thai people of course. But porn does corrupt you. Not that I'm much of a fan of porn.

So Idk.

IN OTHER NEWS!!!!

I'm Moving into my own place! Say what???
Sometime soon within the next month or so. Well I'll be renting an apartment with my brothers. But it'll be my own place. Just because I'm more than certain my parents are on the brink of kicking me out on my ass. :/ I'll keep you posted on that as time progresses on and on.

But yep. No rules.

This post is very unorganized.

I'm typing in a rush.
Work tomorrow. But I'm off Sunday! But then work all week.

Stay up.

I'm...

2009-07-20T20:49:00.000-07:00

Having a hard time with anatomy. :/ its like really kicking my ass.

Need to practice.

You can tell where my mind was at on this one as there's some sort of sexual reference in here...but...where?

EDIT: Lines are up

Stay up.

Hahahah..

2009-07-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

my dad is pissed off at me. Its nothing new. We don't get along for shit. :)

Here's some old art.
Every now and then I like to draw some traditional stuff. I'm actually getting into drawing with ballpoint pens. That ways it forces me to learn from my mistakes. Haha.

Stay up.

.rant.init.exe

2009-07-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

So I got denied my car. :/ It was a very long process and I was very fucking close to getting it. But my brother was being a bitch and was like, "I'll go with you but I'm not saying shit." so I was forced to do all the talking. It was fine and dandy until it came down to my contacts. Apparently I needed 5 people that know me like the back of my hand. >:/ Problem was only 3 out of 5 did. Because the others either couldn't be reached because they were at work or they weren't answering their phones. But I mean seriously I don't just talk to my friends spouting out my contact information. So I would expect them not to know exactly where I work or how long. The whole process was stupid honestly and truly. I'm guessing because I didn't have my license they didn't want to sell to me either. So I don't know. I'm going to take a couple of weeks. Get my license and then go and get my car. And in the mean time I'll save up more money. I'm actually kinda disappointed at the fact that I was denied because apparently my contacts are what fucked me over. :p Oh well there's always later. That damn Galant better still be there in 3 or so weeks because thats when I'm coming back for it. It was so nice. The seats. All of it. The radio sucked ass though. But radio's can be replaced. I will get that car. This is just something that I must overcome to get to what I need to be. So we'll see how it goes.

I guess that's it. I'll post new art later. I'm incredibly tired from standing in the billion degree Texas weather so maybe I'll take a nap!

A nice long nap.

Stay up.

4th times a charm...

2009-07-04T15:42:00.000-07:00

So apparently my awesome phone isn't as awesome as I thought. :/ Go figure. But its not the phones fault its actually mine. Since the thing is a mini-computer I feel the need that it needs to be up to date on everything. So that means upping the firmware and such. Upon doing so somewhere along the line I disabled my text messages and picture messages. It wasn't obvious until someone mentioned, "Hey how come you never text back?" and I was like "no...No one ever texts me." which led to a 4 hour session of me trying to fix the damn thing. 1am - 5 am was spent sending texts to and from myself just to make sure it was up and running. And I can finally say that after some trial and error I have my texts back as well as my picture messages. :) I'm dead tired from trying to figure it out but apparently I just needed to reset my apn settings twice. :p go figure. Anyways nothing new really. I'm to tired. I'll post some traditional shit next time or whatever the case. SO IF YOU TEXTED ME OR TRIED TO CONTACT ME VIA CELLUAR THE PAST 1.5 WEEKS. I WAS NOT IGNORING YOU. I HAD NO IDEA THAT MY PHONE WASN'T WORKING CORRECTLY.
so don't think I didn't want to talk to you *cough*Dana*cough*

Guess that's it.

Happy 4th.
I need sleep.

Stay up.

Update on the uptake...

2009-06-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

Been along time eh blogger readers?

I never really update this thing. Hell I'm surprised I actually remember[ed] my log in stuff since its been so long. Hah.

Anyways I guess I should update this thing so here you go.

I've hit major art slump and started working part-time as a waiter for a "club-house" sorta thing as they call it. So I don't really have much time for art nowadays [[excuses excuses]] Hell I work from 10-7 tomorrow so its going to be a sucky week for me I guess? I don't know.

Anyways here's what I've managed to squeeze out when I've had time.
they make me practice drawing during breaks at work. :( and if I don't practice they beat me with napkins and various other objects. Its horrible. But I love it.
And most of its pretty damn old. :/ I'll try and update this thing more often but like I said I work like ALL the fucking time and my originality well is tapped dry. >:/

So I'm just uploading for the fuck of it.

Good news is though that I'll be HOPEFULLY buying a car next week after I get paid. 2003 Mitsubishi Gallant. Not to happy about the color but its not bad. Not bad at all.

Guess that's it. Until next time!

Oh and I bought a G1.
Greatest cell phone ever? I think so.
It can play Sega Genisis Roms and Super Nintendo.
So Chrono Trigger and Shinobi rule my life on my off days. Haha.
The bill is VERY expensive though. $109 a month. For the next two years. Thats like 2000 bucks I'm shoveling out to T-mobile for a lot of shit I don't use. I

pretty much just text all the time anyways. :/ I'll have to look into that.

But look at the picture quality it takes! Sorry for the goofy picture I couldn't think of anything else better and I'm not one for taking pictures of myself. :p

If you look at my current profile picture I look like a fish. Hahaha. :D

I don't know why I don't decide to shave before I take pictures. Its like the last thing that slips my mind honestly and truly and I'm to lazy to do the shit to begin with. :p So deal with it please. :)

If you wanna keep up with my latest art adventures you can catch me on these sites:
my myspace
my devart page

where I'm guaranteed to update more often than here.

EDIT: I posted the lines for the sucubus because apparently people didn't like my colors. Haha. It was my first time using Paint Tool Sai so yeah it was bad judgement on my part. :( I really wish I had redrawn the face and cleaned up some of the lines better as some are hella thick and the face bothers me like crazy. :(

YOU'RE FREE TO COLOR THESE LINES. I WANT TO SEE THE FINISHED VERSION AND YOU'LL GET PARTIAL CREDIT FOR IT. SO NO NEED TO CLAIM MY WORKS AS YOUR OWN.

Stay up.

On Vacation....

2009-03-19T20:04:00.000-07:00

With Spring break upon me and nearly over that means that the week was filled with no drawing whatsoever and pretty much spent Rock Banding it or playing RE5 [[Both of which are EXCELLENT]] but yeah alas as the break nears it end that means that its time to get back into the swing of things and get my lazy ass in gear. After all college is coming up! So in the meantime here's something I've been stalling on for like ever and FINALLY decided to call it done since there was no hope of getting it done anytime soon. :/

Curse my laziness as an "artist"

"Fall to Pieces"

Because I feel that sometimes my life is falling to pieces faster than I can pick them up. I skiped a lot of corners on this one because I was tired of looking at it and honestly it didn't come out like I had imagined it in my hear. :/ And I went incredibly crazy with the square brush in photoshop. But its okay because its cool. :D

Speaking of which I got the Ringling College Catalog for where I'll be attending college *Crosses fingers* to pursue my dreams of becoming an artist and yeah its AMAZING. Its a book first and foremost. Like a mini novel or whatever filled with beautiful art, locations, locales and everything. I'll have to scan it up later to show you what I mean.

So excited. Lets see what happens. August 15 is when it all goes down. So I'm going to need some money actually...Hrmmm?

Will draw for money.

Hah.

My minds starting to wander. Thoughts of romance and such plague this bitter mind of mine.

Today...

2009-03-09T19:21:00.001-07:00

Was pretty chill. Besides sitting in a dentists office and being nervous out of my ass. I don't know why but whenever I travel I seem to get really really nervous. :p I haven't figured that out yet...

Anyways so yeah I decided to chill at Tech [[my high school]] in the art room. Which I normally don't do but I don't know something opted me too. It was cool laughed it up. Saw people I haven't seen in like forever and I saw Kim...Yeah the ex. I wanted to say hi but I don't know I was in like some weird little state and she didn't bother to say hi to me. She actually shy'ed away when she saw me. :/ I don't know. I figured we had ended things on somewhat decent terms but guess not. Eren told me I should tell her hi but my stubborn male pride wouldn't let me do so. Then I saw Venessa. I haven't seen her in like forever and it was good to see her. :D she's always good people to be around. And she plans on moving near my house! To bad I'll be leaving then. We went apartment looking because she's going to be attending UTA and needed a place to crash. It was pretty cool. I'm going to like apartment looking. I saw a really nice one for $399 a month which doesn't sound bad and I would do if I had a steady job. But I don't so I can't. I was supposed to go back to the dentist at 2:00 but I didn't because I'm me and I function on different things and didn't want to go back. I stalled like crazy and they called my mom like I'm some child!!! Blah. Its cool though. They're good people.

Then I got home to find Rock Band waiting on me. :3 of course me being the drummer that I am set up the drums first and got rid of the other useless insturments. But I was out of practice. But luckily it came back. I wish I could say the same thing about skateboarding. :p

But yeah thats what I've been doing. I really should've said hi to Kim...I don't know why I didn't want to. I did but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I guess I figured if she wanted to talk to me she'd make an effort. Hahaha this is turning into another Kim post. I don't know why that bothers me so much. I saw a few other people I know it was pretty chill. Today was pretty chill actually besides my hand hurting like hell.

I did have some art to upload but I didn't save it so now I'm afraid to go and check on it. So you'll have to wait again.

Its all about style...

2009-03-07T18:44:00.000-08:00

Yes indeedy. I don't like the look of this blog. Not one bit. So I'm going to get around to fixing that up.

I'm in a new house! I'm back near where I grew up. :D thats a good thing. I think. Not really I don't like it here. Its not bad its just not great either. There's some stuff to skate here and there but the street is bullshit and eats my wheels alive. :p so that in term means there's no good skate spots. Plus I'm like in the middle of nowhere!!! Well not really but still its like that. All the houses look the same on our side of the street and if it wasn't for the slightly discolored objects here and there you wouldn't be able to peg my house even if I described it to the last detail. Thats how similar they ALL look. There are no hot girls either. :( at least I haven't seen any...I haven't been outside actually. I'd like to go its just I don't know where to go. When I get the chance to go outside its either too hot or too late. :p

It'll get better I hope. Soon? We'll see what happens.
On another note though I haven't drawn shit in like forever. I'm stalling like crazy and I know I am. Its just I really lack motivation. Besides trying to get into college [[and get the hell out of here]] there's not much in between. Nothing worth fighting for really. No one for that matter...gotta love euphamism eh?

Well I guess thats it. Just updating. The world around me just keeps on changing and it doesn't seem like I'm moving in the same direction it is. Its passing me by and each day I know its just another one wasted. But I'm not willing to do what I need to do to change that...

I haven't seen my friends in forever. I was supposed to see Venessa but she's off in her own life and pretty much I don't hang out with anyone. Hell the only people I talk to really are/were Jasmin, Venessa and some other people here and there on myspace everynow and then. I'm hardly on the thing nowadays. Guess its dying out for me. Maybe I should delete my myspace? Hrmm.

Well just random thoughts. Hopefully I'll draw something nice and pretty up and use my scanner for good. Hahahaha. Yeah right. We'll see how that goes. Either ways this is it....so yeah...

Gawd I hate the look of this blog.
I need to fix that.

ALSO!!! Applegeeks is at an all-time bore. I hate when they have these little intervals between the good stuff. I also dislike how much the style changes. I guess thats because I've out-grown my "machall" days. But still I can't get enough of it. I went back and reread the entire series actually.

It never gets old. Just the whole "Kermit wants to sex you up. Yes he does." bit makes me laugh my ass off pretty much.

Good shit. Good shit.

I cuss a lot.

EDIT: I changed the look. This'll hold for now. FOR NOW!!!

Testing...

2009-02-25T09:46:00.000-08:00

I'm testing out the new skin for the blog. I don't like it but the other one was getting kinda old. So this'll hold for now until I get off my lazy ass and switch some things up. I don't know if the comments on this thing work or not so I need to test that as well it seems blogger has been having some issues as of late but I haven't really been on here as of late either so its quite alright for the most part.

I'm waiting for my freaking scanner to get here so I can upload some of my traditional stuff. So thats why there hasn't been any art posts in a while. :p

You'll survive. I hope?

Iilaria Graziano

2009-02-21T08:16:00.000-08:00

Is an epic musician/singer. Known for her work on such famous anime's as Cowboy Bebop and Ghost in the Shell. I must tell you that she is absolutely AMAZING. Her voice reminds me a bit of Frank Sanatra's style of way back when and me being the avid 30's fan that I am that ain't half bad. :) You should check her out for sure! You won't be disappointed.

I also just scored all of The Seatbelts CDs! Yay. They're pretty fucking amazing as well. :D Gawd I love good music.

Anyways I'm trying to get a scanner as so I can start working more tradiontally than digital. While I do appreciate digital art. I can't forget where I came from.

AND also I'm trying to put together a new portfolio and need 10 recent works. So from here on out I gotta focus on that so this is mainly going to contain work thats going to go into my portfolio. Case in point:

Two pieces I'm for sure going to be submitting. But if you have any crits on where to improve them now is the time that they're greatly needed and greatly appreciated. :D

Rant.ini.exe

2009-02-03T17:13:00.000-08:00

Hey there readers and viewers! Been a while eh? Allow me to update you on whats going on in my life!

-I managed to get involved in "fashion design" somehow and now I'm a concept/design artist for Adington Clothing Co. (c) and thats taking up a lot fo my time so I haven't really had time to draw things for myself.
-I hit an incredibly bad artblock. Everything I drew looked like shit [[it still does]] but I mean I'm able to draw somewhat decently.
-I started skating AGAIN. I don't know why I quit and then pick it back up. Its like a yo-yo with me.
-College! I'm planning to start UNI soon so that means I actually need to be drawing more often. Again though the fashion thing is taking up most of my time.

I guess thats it. So in a nood to get back in "good graces" with someone here's new art!

So I'm Sorry Noir. Forgive me please? I don't know...
Blah.

Trying something different.

2009-01-22T08:16:00.001-08:00

Now I normally don't do more "cartoonish" kinda stuff because I get complaints about it. But drawing people has kinda lost my interest as well. :/ So in trying something completely new!

But there you go.

I liked doing this. Of course my lines are kinda shaky but thats okay. :)
Heh who would've figured. I'm actually kinda happy with the end result. Even if some parts are "askew". :/ gotta work on that.

I'll post the lines as well in case some of my readers [[who actually reads this?]] want to try their hands at coloring it!

Have at it!

Burning evidence?

2009-01-16T14:36:00.000-08:00

Well A LOT has happened as of late. Like a lot. I don't even understand where its all coming from but slowly and surely things might be making a return towards normal. I figuerd I'd update this more because I don't know I've been "neglecting" the blog a bit. Not really its just I don't want to fall into the habit of having to update the thing like I did constantly. :p so if it takes me a while to update its because I'm busy doing other shit.

I have a lot of artwork to upload [[alot of them are failures]] and drawing people isn't really my thing anymore apparently. :o

Gawd I smell like smoke. Blah. The neighbors were burning things in their backyard and there's a giant hazy cloud in the air. Its hard to breath, it makes its really fucking hot, and it makes you smell like smoke. Or bbq. Haha. I think they were burning evidence though...hrmm? Speaking of which teen drama loves to follow me. Stemming from one person. :/ Go figure. Anyways here's the art! Its a quickie thsi time so I didn't put as much time into it as the others y'know? I just needed somethign to do while the cable guy installed cable. Which still makes tv boring. I just have more options to be bored now. Yay!

Actually looking at it. Its really bad. Oh well.

Better in time..

2009-01-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

I need to get in a more "calm" state of being. I don't know why but I feel its what I should do. I tend to stress really easily at times and thats not good for my already damaged pysche [[sp?]]. Either ways getting back to normal. Learning to let go and things like that.

So here's new artwork for ya!
The ever so mysterious yet beautiful Noir. I don't know her real name. I don't even remember how I met her. When I first started doing this it looked alot my ex Kim. Hah.

2009...

2009-01-02T14:56:00.000-08:00

Is already starting off horrible.

My "girlfriend" ran off to go get married to some guy that she spent the entire time we were together badmouthing. :/ And that pretty much just messed up my year completely. G'job Ale. You're a fucking idiot. I loved you. I can't bring myself to care for you now. Seriously. I don't know. Nobody really reads this anyways.

2009 isn't starting off good for me at all. I have plans on going to Uni this year so I guess I won't have a girlfriend to worry about. :(

I kept having dreams that this was going to happen. But I figured they were just those. Dreams. Turns out they were real and now I'm slapped with a nice dose of reality.

I have horrible luck with women. My brother was making fun of me because of it. 7 times now its been a shitty ending for me.

I don't know. I'm just going to neeed some time to get my head back on straight or something. I'm not to sure as of yet. I don't know how to feel about all of this. People were warning me about her in the beginning and me [[being the dumbass that I am]] decided that I wasn't going to listen.

So go ahead and say, "See I told you so."

I deserve it.

I don't know what to think, how to feel, what to say. It seems like nothing I can say will change the way things are. And what bothers me worse is that I don't know if I care or not...Things were going to come to head sooner or later and I wasn't that attached to Ale as I thought I was. I loved her [[or so I think]] but I don't know if I actually did or it was the "thought" of being in love with her that got me. Ever since Jasmin told me that it sticks with me. It makes lots of sense as well.

I'm really trying I am. Somethings gotta give with my relationships. My brother blames it on our last name. Apparently having the last name "Samples" means that you're entitled to be fucked over royally. Its happened lots of times in our lives and it continues till this day. And I was just bragging to my dad yesterday about her. :/

Either ways I'm not going to bore you with my life so here's some art for ya.

Pushing it...

2008-11-24T07:57:00.000-08:00

I'm seriously trying to push myself as an "artist". Partially because I want to get better but another reason being that I HAVE to get better. I don't know. I feel I have something to prove and I'm never actually fully satisfied with what I do...I guess thats a good thing because it keeps me on my toes and makes me want to improve more and more each time. But for some odd reason I keep making small simple mistakes that I should be catching by now...I'll get it right one of these days. My shoulder is still bother me. >:V I need to get that looked at.

But I drew another picture of Nora [[posted at the end]] because I wasn't to happy with the other one that I did of here [[I haven't posted it up yet]] but she really liked it! Some of her friends did as well! :D which is good because it means that I'm getting some sort of exposure but its also bad because people are starting to just use me for my art. And since I don't really charge anything for it I let them get away with it. :/ I got a friend request from some guy asking me about my art. Thing is I don't know him. I'm all open for making new friends and then they be like, "Hey can you draw me?" But it doesn't seem to be happening that way. Its more like hey I'll just befriend him for his art. Not to get to know him as an individual. :/ which kinda erks my nerves. I could just tell them no I'm not going to draw you but I've always been bad at telling people "no". Its like a double edged sword actually...

I don't know. I need to set new rules on my art or something.
And I need to improve as an artist in general....

We'll see what happens though.

Art dump pt. 1

2008-11-22T06:42:00.000-08:00

I've been having a lot of issues with muscle aches as of recent. Its really starting to bother the hell out of me. :/ I don't know. I guess because I'm sleeping wrong but its really starting to bother me.

I have enemies...

2008-11-21T10:15:00.000-08:00

Not really a surprise. I'm well aware that there are people who don't like me. Because well there are people that I'm not quite fond of myself. Thats life. Not everyone is going to like you. I don't really care if you do or don't because well I'm me and you'll either like me or hate me. Either or is fine with me. Anyways moving on. So there's this douche on this site I hang around [[waste my time pretty much]] goes by the name of Despain, Missiningo, The Engineer and various other alias. Well he's got it out for me for some odd reason. I guess its because I'm black. As he's made some pretty racist comments towards me in the past. But it goes over me because well I'm not really one to let racism get to me. Anyways but he has it out for me because I use smileys! [[ie: :) :( :/ :V]] things like that. Among other things. I got temporarily banned [[it was lifted]] because he doesn't think I'm funny [[which is fine because some people think I am while others don't.]] but apparently this guy hates me. Like seriously has it out for me. I got a Pm from a moderator [[Thank goodness she's got my back]] letting me know that I'm on his "shit-list" which I've heard that term way to many times in the past from my father. :/ anyways so she just told me to keep my head low, don't post in "nfg" and other things. Which is fine I guess. Rmxp.org is a fucking mad house now. I like it because its a good place but seriously there are some dicks there. Despain being one of them. :/ but most people know that. I figured he would come after me sooner or later. I guess I'm kinda taken by surprise because I DID like him as a person but now that he's on my ass I can't say that I'm fond of him. But its whatever. I'll fight that douche if need be. Because he's an overweight gorilla-bear looking man. And well I'm not intimidated by him because of the fact that he's just another asshole that you meet online. Kinda like the ignorant people you run into at stores. He'd be one of those. Either ways though yeah Despain doesn't like me. :D congrats dude. Join the club. I don't know I don't really care either. Ahh well this'll pass. I'm just going to keep my head low on rmxp for a while. Its times like these that I'm reminded of why I left that long time ago actually...

Special thanks goes out to Venetia for having my back though. Thanks dearly deary!

The problem with...

2008-11-17T18:56:00.000-08:00

Ale.

Is the fact that my "friends" Amy and Ana seem to have a problem with. Which I'm fine. I'm not saying you have to like who I'm with. I honestly don't care. But the fact of the matter is they're trying to make me out to be some kind of idiot for no fucking reason at all. Just because I have feelings for her [[surprise!]] I'm an idiot because of "intuition". Seriously? What the fuck is that? Intuition is a hunch. Its something that you think is right but you don't know for sure. Why the fuck would I throw away what I have with Ale just because of SOMEONE ELSE'S intuition? That literally makes no sense. Its a silly little argument.Because they're both trying to get the best of me and in reality they don't know exactly what they're talking about. Again though I'm not saying you have to like who I'm with. As long as they make me happy thats all that really matters y'know? I just wish they'd see that and let me make my own mistake[s]. If there even is one. I'm not saying I'm going to marry her, geez life could once again fuck me over. I never said I was going to complain to them either. But they keep bringing up my past relationships like its a valid excuse. I'm in love at the moment [[at least I think so?]] and I've been in love before. As is the thing with being young and in love shit happens and it could quickly go south in a matter of minutes. The thing about it is while I guess they have good intentions [[guess being the key word]] they're going about this entirely wrong. :/ Like seriously. I'm not a baby, I can make my own mistakes and this is just going to have to be one that I have to learn on my own. And if so then well I've been on my own before. Its nothing new now. They just don't understand I'm pretty happy at the moment. Things with Ale are good and just because of some past mistakes or something [[I'm not even sure of what]] they're all down my throat.

I called Ana [[which was a mistake to begin with]] just to see how she's doing. I didn't mention Ale or anything I wanted to see if she's okay because I had heard that she had gotten into a serious argument with her boyfriend. But I'm met with a personal attack about Ale. Like seriously? Its bad enough most of the time you act like you don't want to talk to me but when I do want to try to have a 'normal' conversation with you [[I'm talking about Ana]] you explode at me for no reason at all! And gawd knows that both of them are as stubborn as ever when it comes to things like this. Especially Ana. :/ but the fact of the matter is that I don't have a problem with Ale. They do. We're at odds ends and at a stand still. So now I'm not even sure whats up with this whole situation at the moment....

Gotta love teenage drama eh?

Betrayed...

2008-09-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

By people who I thought were my 'friends' by people who do shit behind my back and leave me to figure all this shit out on my own.

I'm of course talking about Ale and "Bryan".

Ale had good intentions [[I'm guessing. I'm in defense mode so I don't know what to believe]] but Bryan is fucked up.

Straight up.

I guess something as trivial as a girl can ruin friendships. Its ruined a really good one of mine in the past [[which wasn't worth it]] and its ruining this one in the present [[which for damn sure ain't worth it]]

But thats just because there is some suspect bullshit going on. Some high school bullshit as well as some just plain stupidity at work.

And yeah I'm fucking pissed. I'll get over this shit though. I've been fucked over way worse in the past. No lies about it.

Good intentions or not.

People fucked up.

And they fucked up real bad.

I found out.

And they think I'm fucking kidding.
But I'm dead fucking serious.

So to all you fake ass 'friends'

I guess I'm just hurt by all of this. Like I said I'm in defense mode.
But seriously shit has taken a major step back.

FUCK YOU!

Update on the uptake...

2008-09-29T06:02:00.000-07:00

I work at Zumiez now.

Has to have been one of the strangest if not funnest [[is that even a word?]] interview that I've been too.

Seriously. I don't even know what was up with it. All I know is 30 people showed up; I got picked 2nd out of 10 and that ain't bad. :]

Anyways I start work Oct. 6 so I'm kinda giddy, nervous, and all sorts of other things about it.

We'll see how it goes.

Anyways just dropping off the new art!

'Kato the model'
She put it up on her myspace!

See lately lately lastly...I would love for you to ask me..

2008-09-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

Lmao this is so lame. Ale wanted me to do it so I did it.

XD I was laughing the entire time I did it too!

>:3

Its been a while hasn't it?

2008-09-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

Wow its been A LONG LONG time since I've updated. Hahaha. I'm more than certain that the small handful of you that happen to glance upon this blog may be wondering what I'm up to as of late?

well I'll tell you.

NOTHING.

I took like a month and 2 weeks off from skating [[biggest mistake ever]]
And now I can barely do anything on a skateboard. :/ that sucks.

BUT I have been drawing.
Oh yes while I've been away I've managed to accumilate a nice little collection of digital paintings and such. :]

So thats good.

I need to look into college's. My dad is turning me towards full sail college in Florida. Its caught my attention like crazy. :] thats good. Real good.

I have no job because of well I don't know. I can't seem to get hired though. :/

Anyways! Enough blab. Here's the artwork!

[[worst-best in my opinion]]

Its like Darwin's Chart or something. :] The last two are my personal favorites.

Emme dear and Ale

Stay up.

:]

2008-06-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

Hey there blogger fans and readers!
Long time no post eh?
I've been really busy as of late. Like super busy.

I'll give you the quick rundown of whats been going on.

-Graduated from High school
-Started to pursue a career in skating
-Learned Tre Flips! [[360 kickflips]]
-Started dating a[n] amazing girl named Ale :] [[see two posts ago]]
-Been spending time with my friends
-Gave up pursuing career as a skater due to the fact that I want to draw.
-Myspace.

And thats pretty much it. I'm free from high school. And all my complaints of not having a girlfriend finally got me one. Hah thats a horrible thing to say. But seriously though. Ale's pretty great. She's a really chill, goofy, athletic, smart girl. :] a change of things from other girls I've dated in the past [[not saying they're dumb or anything its just none were athletic]] anyways. Yeah she has this kick ass personality and it makes me happy. She makes me happy. I would talk about her but I can sum it up in two words; she's great! [[hahah Tony the tiger?]] Anyways we're taking things slow. I don't want to rush into things and I'm actually enjoying not worrying about love and all of that stuff. I'm just enjoying her presence and the great things she does and says that makes me laugh. Either way things are pretty good at the moment. Lets see how long it last though. Dum dum dunnnnnn.

;]

I'm also taking some time off from drawing. Hopefully I'll have new things to show when I can get my hands on a scanner but at the moment I'm going to do other things. I do still draw though! Don't get it twisted. I'm just on "vacation" so to speak.

Stay up.

I'm coming out....

2008-05-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

Of a serious art block. :] thank goodness as well because I was starting to believe I'd lost the ability to draw. Hah. Luckily it came back if not better than before. So I couldn't be happier about that for real.

Not really much to post as of late seeing as how I haven't taken the time to draw a complete piece. I've just been doodling around and things like that. Getting the swing of things.

So here are some headshots to keep you happy.

Enjoy!

Stay up.

Art....

2008-05-23T07:26:00.000-07:00

Fast post.

Art Block...

2008-05-14T07:22:00.001-07:00

Isn't it great? Not actually. Anyways since I finished up my portfolio it seems I've hit a bit of art block. I can't draw anything decent looking and its making me angry. :/ real angry. Anyways to make up here are a couple of sketches that I managed to whip up [[and I'm not even impressed with them at all]] but still gotta show something. I hope it passes. I hate not being able to think correctly. It sucks.

Stay up.

Brenda D...

2008-05-10T16:12:00.000-07:00

Is the coolest person I know.
For real.
One of the best and thats why she's one of my favorite people to spend time with.

Its always something fun whenever she is around and its never dull. She just makes life fun. :D

She's calm, collective, funny as hell, and just all around great. I couldn't ask for a better friend than her. And I wouldn't replace her for anybody in the world. No doubt about it Brenda D. is the coolest person I know. :D congrats loser I mentioned you. >;]
Just kidding but love you loser you're are the bee's knees. Hahaha.

Anyways all things aside. I should have my debt issues cleared up partially [[see last post]] So now I should only have to pay $31 USD to insure that I graduate. :D took hours of searching but I managed to find all of my receipts from the past 4 years for school. Hahaha. Good stuff.

I have new art I'm not to sure if I want to post it or not. And is it just me or are the colors on that spiderman sketch kinda bleh? I hate it so I'll probably just post the pencil version or something. Make some lineart. I don't know.

We recently switched to Vista. After upgrading our computer of course. And now my version of Photoshop doesn't work. :/ how lame is that? Very if you ask me.

Vista seems to have a lot of problems I'm noticing. Besides the cool sleek look and things like that it sure is riddled with problems that make it not worth it. Oh well in due time I guess. I just gotta get used to it or something like that.

Anyways here you go. I'm going to throw some color on some of these but looking at the way they're drawn I'm not to happy with them. :/

And my final piece of this entry. Instead of doing my work like I'm supposed to do I usually see if there is an open page [[usually on the back of a packet]] and I draw. It was fun doing this and I think the end result [[although not finished]] came out looking pretty solid. :] and thats all I can ask for I guess.

Stay up.

Debt...

2008-05-08T08:29:00.000-07:00

About to graduate from high school and I figure out that I'm in fucking debt. I knew I was in debt but not as bad as this. I apparently owe them about $135.97 USD. I gotta find a way to come up with the money or else I'm not going to graduate. :/ buy some art? It'd really help out. I'm going to see if I can't get most of this removed because I'm being charged for shit I have no knowledge of. Great. Just great. Life likes to fuck me over really good at times.

My good friend and long time running mate Jesse gave me this interesting card for a gallery. I figured I'd give them a look and see what they're all about. :] could be insightful. Yeah something like that.

Well I have new art [[finally]] it just needs some colors thrown down on it. Then I'll post it so until then here's a Spiderman sketch to hold you over until I get the rest done and things like that.
Enjoy!

Stay up.

12 year old...

2008-05-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

Hey there just checking in because its been a while. I do still draw people,
I'm not dead, no I didn't kill a cat, and yes I'm still the same ol' me [[If not a tad bit more grumpier due to aging I guess?]]

Anyways its about time I post something on here since my last post was a long long time ago. The 22nd I believe? Anyways I have a shit load [[and I mean a shit load]] of art to post. You see we [[the seniors at our school]] got the week off pretty much because of standardized testing [[TAKS aka Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills]] and since I passed all of mine I don't have to worry about those babies. Now all I need to do is worry about passing and I'm out of high school! This is my last month at that place and hopefully all goes well, got prom [[where I'll be escorting the lovely and beautiful Erendira :] ]] as well as graduation! Lots of things are going down this month...For real...Busy busy busy. Anyways yeah I have a lot of drawings. I spent my week of drawing [[in between sessions of GTA IV of course]] and thats about it. Hell I'm even drawing while typing this up! Hah. So hopefully I'll have something to show. I know I will actually. Just be on the look out for it!

Moving on...

I recently took a trip to my local comic shop [[I think it was local?]] and decided to pick up a few issues for studies and whatnot. Well they had this little package of 5lbs of comics for 5 bucks. No way in hell I was passing that up. Got some pretty solid stuff. Including some 12 year old Kool-aid! Hahaha some of those comics were as old as I am. If not older. Pretty good buy if I do say so myself. Now most of them just collect dust. Hah. I'm horrible I know. I have browsed though them though and I've seen a lot of valuable things that'll further help me into pursuing a career as a ~~"graphic novelist"~~ comic artist. :] wish me luck!

Speaking of which.

My portfolio. I have no idea whats going on with it...I was supposed to work on it this entire week but I decided to ditch that idea and enjoy my off time. A decision I'll later regret? I don't know. I'm not to particularly [[weird word]] happy with it. Partially because most of the stuff in there is really old and I've improved greatly as an artist from say last year. Bleh. :/ apparently according to the teach I'm to "hard on myself" but I'm only that way with my art because I'm striving to become one of the best. You may something great and amazing when I put pencil to paper and manage to pull something out of my ass. I see nothing but flaws, proportion errors, and all sorts of other things. Thats why I'm hard on myself because I want to be great at what I love to do...Women. >:D hahaha no not women but drawing, art, cartoons and things like that. I don't know. I'm picky. Jeez.

Anyways...

High school drama for me has managed to make a major climb in recent days. Awesome. Just awesome. Friend issues, girl issues, money issues, people issues and all sorts of things like that. Its exhausting. I'm trying to keep my head out of it. But somehow it manages to find its way to me. :/ Lame. Oh well just 6 more weeks and I'm done with High school forever! Yay. But I'm also going to miss it when I leave it behind. :/ oh well it comes with growing up. Yeah something like that.

Also...

I've been talking to my ex's [[the one's that talk to me that is.]] Amy and Jasmin. Amy always has such insightful things, she really listens to my problems and even insists on trying to help me through them, she doesn't just skoff at me and laugh at me or call me a emo bitch or things like that. She actually takes time out of her busy life to help lil ol' me out when I'm feeling down or whatever. I can't thank her enough for that for real. Really great girl. Good beliefs and things like that. Shame we aren't together anymore. :/ Oh well she's found love again and I'm glad for her. :] Anyways the main thing I usually talk to her about is my relationship status and why they never seem to hold or why I can't seem to have love. Of course its always a downward spiral for me because I'm negative when it comes to love I think? But somehow she manages to put up with my shit for a while, offer insight, make me laugh and make me think that things aren't that bad and sooner or later [[better be soon]] I'll actually find someone who'll love me and not want to let go. Of course its false hope; no doubt about it. But its good to have someone give me that false hope for once instead of vice versa. :] makes me feel a tad bit better about myself. Anyways Amy's great. Couldn't ask for a better friend. Still hate being single though. :/ shit sucks because everyone [[and I mean everyone]] has some romance going on. Not me though. For real whats the deal there? I just want the simple things. I want to love and be loved back. Not to much to ask for right? WRONG!

*Sigh* One of these days...One of these days.

I'm tired so I guess this is it for now.
[[I'll try to get the art up ASAP]]

Stay up.

Mental issues...

2008-04-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

Apparently I seem to be having a few.
I'll be back in a while I guess...
I haven't drawn or felt like drawing for a while now...

So yeah just posting I guess...

and no I'm not sad you ass. I'm just not feeling like doing much right now. I'll be back once I get out of this rut.

Stay up.

Photoshop woe...

2008-04-18T08:47:00.000-07:00

Gotta post this fast running out of time. I have way to much to do...

Working on this painting but photoshop doesn't want to agree with me. :/

I'll work on it later. :p

Stay up.

Updating...

2008-04-16T07:48:00.000-07:00

Just posting. I'll try to get this painted and updated ASAP. Having computer issues here at school. :/ as usual....

See if you can spot the differences!

EDIT:
Here are the colors. :] yes behold my lack of ability to draw backgrounds. Hahaha

Stay up.

I think I'm crazy...

2008-04-13T17:29:00.000-07:00

Or at least making my ways slowly but surely towards it. Hahaha. I don't know...its odd. Anyways lots of new art! I'll have to put them all in order at a later time.

This is the last little bit I put on the Naruto fanart pic that I did. I grew tired of working on it and my schedule forced me to move onto other things. But maybe I'll pick it up at a later date. :]

A drawing for my AP portfolio. Its supposed to be Lilo [[a friend of Eren's]] but I still need to tweak it a little to make it look like her truly. But for the most part this is what I got for only about 2 hours of work. Ignore the giant sharpie mark. It was already on the board when I started. :/

This is the replacement for the horrible picture thats in my previous post. The one I did on the back of my sketchbook. That was a big mistake. I'm never doing a piece in ink all the way until I reach near Jim Lee status. But this is much easier on the eye and it looks absolutely amazing. I actually like it. :]

A page that I'm doing for my portfolio. Its probably going to be the last page I do for the year. Its being really hard to ink as well. :/ seems like none of my sharpies want to work for me...Oh well I'll try to finish it up. Behold my shitty ass inability to write words straight or draw boxes! XD

--------------------------------------------------

A couple of sketches, A Metal Gear pic I'm working on for fun, An [[unfinished]] page for my portfolio. :] inking its going to be a bitch to finish. :/ and a face that I'm thinking about painting to keep my skills sharp.

Stay up.

Underwater...

2008-04-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

Just a WIP [[Work in Progress]] for now. I whipped this up in about 10 minutes and threw some flats [[colors]] on it in about 3 minutes. :]
I'm having trouble with getting photoshop to cooperate with me at the moment so I'm putting this aside and I'm going to try to draw something else up before time is up.

I'm also being forced to troubleshoot this damn MAC and I don't understand a word of whats going on. *Sigh* its rather cumbersome if not down right dull. :/

Enjoy!

Stay up.

Feeling...

2008-03-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

Rather emo today.

Not actually but I'm really nervous. I think I did something that I'm going to end up seriously regretting. Only time will tell I guess. Anyways just posting art.

A page I'm working on as well! I don't like the inks though.
Its because I'm using some new Bristol board. Its sturdy as hell no doubt about it. But it has way to much tooth on it. Makes it hard for the sharpie [[thats what I use for inks]] to lay down correctly and it comes out jaggy. :/ but it does hold pencil pretty well. :] I might stick with it I might not. Only time will tell....

A nice little Naruto sketch that I'm working on. I want to continue on it but I'm rather proud of it. :]

A drawing on the back of my sketchbook. I know its shitty I messed up on it. But since I did it in sharpie, chalk pencil, and whiteout I can't adjust it. :/ oh well enjoy!

And finally a work in progress page that I need to finish up for my portfolio. I hate how the letters aren't straight as well as the boxes....

I'm out. I need to get things done.

EDIT:
I decided to put some flats on the naruto sketch that I posted earlier. I'm rather happy with the results so far. :]

Here's something I whipped up in about 3 mintues due to time. I'll finish it up later.
TEAM KITTY FTW! XD

Stay up.

Lack of updates....

2008-03-27T08:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the lack of updates. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things but things are going pretty hectic at the moment. I've been dealing with other people's relationship issues [[giving them false hope and things like that]] and trying to cheer people up who are sad and stuff. :p its a very time consuming if not frustrating task....Blah. But its cool because it helps someone out I guess...

Anyways I'm in an art show. I'm short on time so I'm going to keep this short and to the point. I'll come back and update it later...

I keep trying to draw things today but my hand doesn't want to work properly...Speaking of which my entire body is hurting for some odd reason. I don't know whats going on but yeah....It hurts. Hahaha.

I'm giving blood today! Should be interesting none the less...

Here's some art and stuff that I've done from Spring break/for my portfolio [[had to scrap the one with the girl and the gun because it had guns in it. :/ go figure.]] Anyways enjoy!

Also a comparison of one of my pages that I finished up on. Can you spot the differences?

And heres just randomness I guess.

Stay up.

Sketches....

2008-03-11T08:20:00.001-07:00

We have a mouse! Thats pretty awesome. :D not really because that thing is fast as hell. Hahaha. But yeah we have a mouse. Awesome.

Hrmm school is very interesting at the moment. Lots of people are getting in relationships and yeah sure I feel left out and alone but still I have other things going on. Although I wouldn't mind the company of a significant other so I'd actually have someone to talk to who'd take interest in what I say. Although some people act like they do but really they couldn't care less about what I say.

What else?
I'm pretty happy at the moment. Not the being single thing, but I'm happy about the way things are going for me. Potential works in progress. Future contracts and all sorts of good stuff. I guess I'm on cloud nine. I just need someone special by my side to be complete. Did I forget to mention that I'm a sucker for love? Hahahaa.

I don't know what else to add. I'm drawing, I'm happy, I'm lonely and wanting affection and stuff. The problems it brings and all of that jazz, and life is good. I don't know where a lot of the people get the notion that I'm sad, depressed, a pre-madonna [[spelling?]] and all that other stuff. But thats far from it.

OH YEAH! I might get to do the art for a series of children's books! That was like the highlight of my day. That and what Jahaziel told me in 8th period with the girls. And what Eren told me in 7th period. >:D awesome stuff. Anyways yeah I have to submit some trial drawings to see if they like them or not and they'll let me know if I'll get signed on or not. :D so here's hoping and wish me luck!

Anyways here are sketches. Each one has a random thing about them and a story about how they came about. :D Try to figure them out and you'll get a prize! Not really. Hahaha. Enjoy!

Stay up.

So there's this girl :D

2008-03-08T21:01:00.000-08:00

Its how these situations usually start out and I find myself saying to one of the many people I know in a myspace message. Even my exes.
Usually Sara because she gives the tough love advice.
Hah.

Odd world isn't it?

I stumbled across a lot [[and I mean a lot]] of poems [[as well as some pictures]] that I'd written for when I was in love. There was some for Amy, some for Jasmin. Some for Gaby [[wonder whatever happened to her?]]. Even one for Lizzy! Surprisingly enough. Those were simpler times. Back when I didn't think relationships were pure shit. You have someone to thank for that now. D8 *le gasp!* anyways yeah it brought back good memories, bad ones, and made me smile just a bit. Heh who would've thought?

Also ran into some of my many failed flash myspace designs and old myspace designs. I should pick back up HTML but I'm to lazy. Hahaha.

Spring is here. Time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of stuff from the past!

New art on the way.

Stay up.

Oh yeah there isn't any girl.
GOTCHA!

At least not that I know of...
Although...?

Rocking out...

2008-03-05T16:42:00.000-08:00

Today was pretty fun.
All of us Seniors didn't have to go to school [[or so we think]] and yeah we decided to meet up for breakfast.

Me, Alfonso, Jahaziel, Bobby, Kevin, Karina, Jessica, and Ally.

It was a laugh being there.
Made lots of memories and all sorts of other senior things that we'll probably not remember for a while.

Ally being the baby was renamed Jonathon by Alfonso.
She was so cute and tiny. She had some of the prettiest hair ever. She also got into a lot of stuff.

Breakfast was great.
$38 in total.
Not to bad.

Jahaziel can't drive!
Hahaha joking, but he did run some stop signs from what I heard.

Then it was off to Kevin's house!
BUT his mom didn't want all of us there so we went to Alfonso's instead.
There after getting my ass handed to me we decided to rock out in RockBand.
It was pretty fun. I finally got to be the drummer [[I've wanted to be the drummer for ever.]] and yeah it was great. :] I rock those things. Not as good as Alfonso but thats because he has more experience.
Here was the band:

Me-Bass
Kevin-Guitar
Jahaziel-Singer
Alfonso-Drummer

Great line up. We switched it up after a bit.
We played that game for 5+ hours straight.
We started at around 12:30ish and didn't stop until 5. Then we played some more with Alfonso's little brother Max until about 5:30.

I passed out and when I woke up it was 6.

It was pretty fun today. :D

Today is also Venessa's birthday. I didn't see her at all because well I wasn't at school but still...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VENESSA!!!!
LOVE YOU DEARLY SIS!

I'm tired...
Super tired.

Stay up.

Dating wars....

2008-03-04T16:09:00.000-08:00

Shit sucks.

I hate being single.

For real.

Everyone and I mean everyone [[well okay not everyone]] has some sort of romance thing going on.

Almost everyone except me. :/

Shit sucks.

Seeing all these happy couples and stuff kills me a little more on the inside because I like things like that. I never get to keep it that long when I do finally find it either.

I even got made fun of because of the fact that I can't manage to keep girlfriends.

Damn.

Blah.
I hate the dating wars and I hate being single.

Here's a commission I'm working on for Monique. She wanted Death Note. I told her I was drawing it in my style. She gave the okay. So I sat down and went through several ideas before settling on one that I ultimately liked. I think the end result is going to be worth it. :/ also this is the outdated WIP I've already finished most of it up. Just need to put Rem in and fix up Misa's hand. But this is what I have. I'll get the update scan ASAP.
Stay up.

Back....

2008-03-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

From Waco.
Totally fun.
Awesome even.

I'm now ranked the number 2 graphic artist design in Texas.
I get to represent us as an artist against the others states.
I'm pretty happy about that as well as kinda nervous. :]
Made my day.
I'm only number 2 because I lost by default. I didn't put "Champions at work" on my drawing. But the judges loved my stuff. Said if I'd put that I'd be number 1 right now. But oh well I'm happy with where I am. They also said my coloring needs work. I misspelled Skills USA. Its supposed to be one word. D'oh. XD

I'm once again ranked the number 4 desktop publisher in Texas as well. :/
That thing was rigged. For real. Everyone liked my stuff. Even the freaking judge. Everyone agreed that I had the best thing but yet I ranked 4th? Hrmm...
Oh well I'm the number 2 graphical artist in Texas and yeah...I half assed my art but yet people liked it. :D I got a giant medal as well.

Anyways being in Waco was ~~pretty fun~~ awesome.
I ate a lot.
To much.
Total amount spent on food for two days: $48.00
Way to much.
I feel fat. Bleh. :p

I also have the hardest punch out of everyone at tech!
Well the people that went to Waco that is.

My punch weighs in with power of 770. Thats the hardest I can hit.
Everyone else was scoring 718 and below. :D I'm pretty happy about that as well.
For real. So watch out bastards. I may come off as a weak person but a punch from me will pretty much kill you. Hahahaha.

Some black guy before me though...he was a beast. Killed the machine with 999 power...Damn.

Spent $20 on that machine. Hahaha.
I'm a sucker for competition I guess.

Either way it was great. I missed home but I liked being away and the down time. Made new friends, flirted around a little [[not really.]], amended broken bonds with people and now I have lots to do.

Meh.

Feels good to be home.
I'm really tired.
Pictures soon?

How are you guys doing? What have you been up to?

I'm going to draw for a bit and I'll elaborate on this whole affair after I pass out. So check back soon for the update with the details on what happened and the 4 o'clock conversation.
Trust me its funny.
It involves whipped cream nipples, strawberry bits, and all sorts of weirdness.

Hahaha.

I miss my friends and certain people. For real. :/

Hmmm

Stay up.

Monday one day, Tuesday two day, wendnesday what day? Thursday!

2008-02-26T06:34:00.000-08:00

Has to be one of my favorite quotes from FRIENDS. Joey is a trip. For real. Good show. :/

Anyways here at school...
Its tuesday. I'd rather not be here but I have stuff to do.

Going to get checked up on thursday. Should be a blast.
Then its off to Waco Texas on Friday. :D

Got lots of art to work on for the competition.
I have to start over because someone "misplaced my freaking finished draft. :/
Not fun.

Anyways I don't have to go to 7th period today because of ELA [[English Language Arts]] testing academy.
And since I'm a senior [[and I passed all my exit exams.]] I don't have to go to 7th period! And also since I'm retaking a junior level class [[I failed it last year.]] then yeah there are only a couple of seniors in there. So I figured I'd ditch because the teach threatened that if we acted up while she wasn't there we can just forget about graduation. And since I need to graduate [[since I want to get the hell out of here]] I'm not going today....but that means I have to find something to do....Hrmmm...?

Anyways had a great dream last night. :D It was pretty damn awesome. Started off my day great.
I want to see my sister though. Venessa where are you?

I also need to talk to Kim....

Saw Nora as well.
She's always so happy and energetic. Hahaha.
It was great.
I was tired.
She was full of energy.
Made me smile.

And now I'm sitting here with a half drawn Texas in front of me and typing this blog.

Jasmine [[a rather loud, but cool girl]] is talking about Chad Michael Murray. He's a complete homo. No offense.
Hate the guy. Just like Ryan Sheckler. Maybe I'm jealous of them? NAH!

Had a pretty good laugh at my friend Jeanette in class because she didn't know what CS2 stood for. And we've been using it for about 3 years now? Funny stuff. And we laughed at my sickness and my inability to get anything done on time. Hahaha. Good stuff.

Saw Jumper [[Jumpers?]] Yesterday. Not a bad movie. Not the greatest but it wasn't bad.
Samuel Jackson with all white hair= funniness to the max.

Got raped yesterday! Hahaha that sounds bad....It wasn't that bad actually. Meh.
My head is somewhere else though...Feelings and stuff.

Ahh tuesday...We'll see what you have in store for me.

Here's some sketchyness I threw down while taking a break from doing shirt designs. Just experimenting with new styles and stuff. Want to get a solid style that I like y'know? Enjoy!

Stay up.

Just noticing...

2008-02-25T14:19:00.000-08:00

That I complain a lot.
I mean A LOT.
No wonder I come off as an emo bitch.

I'm trying to get at piece with everything and everyone.
Just one more thing I need to get done.

Wish me luck.
I think I have like a new perspective on life or something. I don't know...Its odd because I don't really know where it came from.

Oh well I'm out.

Stay up.

Midnight conversations. Hope for us yet?

2008-02-24T19:56:00.001-08:00

Hrmm actually very something interesting. Since I'm in the midst of a conversation with Nora about her feelings for her ex-boy and relationships [[I seem to talk to her about relationships alot. Keeps things interesting though]] I'd figure I'd post my thoughts on the whole thing.

Love, dating, sex and all of that stuff which I guess falls under the category of "affection" is all one big risk. Its a risk that two people have to take "together" to ensure that it works out. It may not always work out in the end actually [[as I'm know and accustomed to]] But still its all one big risk. P.O.D. even said, "The hardest part of holding on is letting it go." But what if letting it go was a mistake? What if the end was brought about by something that wasn't in your control? What if you aren't ready to let go just yet? Does that mean that its to late to get it back? Does that mean that you've made the biggest mistake of your life by letting go of something so great? Maybe. But thats not to say that its quite true. I mean I've seen weirder things happen. And even some of the happiest married couples have had their fair share of breakups and "time apart" and ultimately in the end they realized that it was the other person who "completed" them. They ultimately realized that they didn't want anybody else because what they wanted was right in front of them the entire time. Things like that y'know? Take relationships and things like that as one big gamble. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss. Some people actually get lucky and hit the jackpot on the first try [[but thats a rare occasion]] and sometimes you can't win. Where was I going with this? Oh yeah its never to late to get back something you let go. Well okay I don't want to say never because some people can't wait forever and things like that. But I mean sometimes its the time apart that people need to realize that they don't want any others [[I wanted to say no other]] because the one that makes them most happiest is the one they want to be with. The whole affiar got me thinking...Anyways where was I...? OH yeah! Now some people don't realize it right away and some never realize it but in the end things like this have a strange habit of working themselves out. It means there's hope for us yet as humans. :D

Its all one big risk. You gotta be willing to take it not expecting to know whats going to happen. But hoping that the best happens...For real.

Gawd I miss Kim. :/
Probably the last thing on her mind though and that just about sucks.

For real.

Anyways peep this!

Take two of the first drawing of me. I adore it. Makes me smile whenever I see it on this blog. Also makes me feel like something is seriously missing....

Damn man...

Stay up.

Weight gain.

2008-02-24T08:17:00.000-08:00

Ahh here we go another blog post. I'm telling you this thing is rather addictive. Or maybe its the only place I can actually talk about stuff? Meh I don't know.

Today [[this morning actually]] started off rather interesting to say the least. After staying up till 2am doing recon work on the house next door [[there were four people sitting in this rather weird looking car doing I don't know what.]] It was odd. My dad told us to keep an eye on them because he thought they were going to rob us. So I was sitting in my bed doing recon work on them. It was odd because they were driving around with their headlights off. Very odd. Anyways I don't remember what happened I just remember my brother talking to me about looking out the window. Then next thing I know I'm getting waken up at 7:20 by my other brother saying, "Hey, You need to take out the trash." ruined my sleep. Hahaha I don't even remember sleeping anyways...

Decided to finally get up and roll out of my bed. Not without nearly killing myself on the way to doing so and take out the trash...After finally managing to get myself somewhat awake I swing open the front door to some of the most beautiful weather I'd experienced in my life. It was breezy, it was great, it was amazing...I decided I didn't want to waste the weather so I decided I'd skate...in sweat pants...A first for me because thats what I'd fallen asleep in. So I figured I'd give it a go [[partially because I was to lazy to switch to jeans and sweat pants allow me to move more freely.]] anyways this isn't a skateboard story so we'll skip ahead. After skating for a little bit. Falling a couple of times. The usual I decided to call it quits and come inside. And here I am posting yet another blog. This one seems to be rather blah to me. Maybe you'll find some entertainment from it.

But yeah while struggling to keep my sweat pants up [[they're rather large for me. Or maybe I'm to skinny.]] I need to gain some weight. I'm tired of being this skinny ass kid with his fucking ribs sticking out. Although I do like the fact that I have a pretty nice six-pack. :D thats a plus. Some girls like it. A lot of them tell me that they do...I don't like it at all. I often times stare at myself [[shirtless of course]] and look at all the many imperfections. Ribs poking out. Slender muscles and super skinny, long-ass arms. Its rather disgusting and makes me think that I'm to damn skinny...Thats the problem. I'm to skinny. People think I have an eating disorder. Partially because I don't like eating in front of people because they tend to stare. And partially because I don't eat a lot in public. I mean when I get home its a totally different story. I'm like a black hole or something. I just try to consume everything in sight. The problem with that being: there is never any food in my house. :/ so of course it leads to me not eating all that I want and yeah hence the reason why I'm so skinny. I don't have an eating disorder. At least I don't think so. I don't jam my fingers down my throat as its been thought that I do and don't not [[double negative]] eat. Its just I don't know. I have a very fast metabolism. It can't be helped. Well actually it can but still. I don't know. Weight gain...I need to gain weight. I want to be bigger. I realize I literally have like no fat on me. None whatsoever. Well maybe a little because I'm a human after all but still I need more. I want more...Must gain weight. Hrmm I must sound totally weird saying this. Like the complete opposite of Amerie [[story reference]] and yeah...I'm tired of being so damn skinny. Tired of people thinking I don't get fed or that I throw up everything I eat.

I'm hungry.

Don't really have any plans for today because well I don't know. None were made?
Meh.

You suck.

No school tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. If anything happens and stuff like that. I doubt it though because I've been forgotten. :/ I've been replaced. Things of that nature.

Hahaha joking. Kinda. :/

Wanna go somewhere with me?
Lets make plans. Okay?

Stay up.

1:00 blues....

2008-02-23T22:56:00.000-08:00

Well 12:57 but technically one in the morning. Sunday February 24th 2008. I post to many blogs for real...What three in one day? Four? Hrmm thats way to many. Oh well I guess it gives you people something to read and some mild form of entertainment in some sick sadistic manner. You sick freaks! Hahaha joking. Anyways whats the point of this?

Oh yeah my obsessive thinking. I swear its going to be my downfall. I don't know what it is but whenever I tend to start thinking my mind tends to venture off from the given path and I end up taking these long ass detours and eventually end up depressing myself for a little while. Why the hell am I even awake now? Because I can't sleep. D'uh. Anyways. Been thinking alot. And yeah I have a tendency to over think things for some odd reason. I think its because my somewhat creative nature gets a little out of hand at times? If that were the case I'd be applying that shit towards art and not pointless thoughts that aren't going to get me anywhere or what I want. But yeah for some odd reason whenever I think it starts off okay then turns into a giant downhill mega fuck-fest [[can I say that?]]. I don't know why. I think its because I've had a lot of negative things happen to me. Makes me think in the "negative zone" y'know? Maybe its just me being stupid. Either ways it odd. It bothers me sometimes as well. I think I need mental help. For real...I also notice I say "I don't know" [[make mocking voice]] alot as well. I don't know...See?!?! Its like out of my control. Anyways. I couldn't sleep. Or for the simple fact that I don't want to..? I can't really describe it. I've just been up thinking about things that have happened to me as of recently. The whole nearly giving up on art thing, the whole Kim thing [[which I'm still trying to figure that shit out. Although its been resolved somethings not adding up in my head.]] Maybe thats the problem. My mind isn't willing to accept things the way that they are but in reality they've already happened the way they are. Not going to lie I miss talking to her. We'd usually be up right now on the phone. Laughing, talking, flirting, all that good stuff. But not as of late. Partially because I don't have my cell phone, and partially because well I don't know. See there it goes again. But yeah there's something there thats hindering stuff. I think its because feelings weren't dealt with properly and remorse follows. But I'm not to sure there. I don't want this to turn into another "Kim entry" and come off as some "creepy ass dude" as I seemed to have before. :/ wonder what she's up to now? Probably asleep. Probably not knowing her. Anyways trying to stay on subject. Key word there being trying...

I was up having a chat with my friend Brenda. She's a pretty nice person. Really pretty. Vietnamese and White. She's like one of those antique dolls you'd see or maybe like a geisha girl. Yeah a geisha would be it because they're really pretty and delicate. Anyways her. Well she was in a serious huff about various things. Which is actually kinda odd because normally she's a really chilled person. I'm not at liberty or obligated to discuss what we were talking about but its got me thinking the way that I am now. Because she mentioned something about her boyfriend. And I'm really weird when it comes to relationships as of now...They seem to never go in my favor and things like that. Something along those lines you can put it. And I'm hell-bent on trying to find out why...

Whats going on that something can go from pretty good to just all around shitty and me getting the axe? And all of them have been that way. All of them. Just up and ended one day. I know nothing lasts forever but c'mon now somethings gotta give. I'll get that one of these days. Its really confusing and upsetting at the moment though...

Then there's Luz. She's...well interesting to say the least. She has this young adolescent love radiating off of her about her ex [[who she dumped then went back out with then dumped again then went back out then dumped him again for the final time.]] Its like a rather childish and immature game of cat and mouse. But now she wants him back. She was all in denial of loving him; I'd always tell her, "Ahh whatever you love that boy and you know you do. Quit denying it and be with him dammit!" but that'd never work. Well all of a sudden her true feelings come up and she's back in love with him. Odd. I mean she literally was crying when she was telling me the story [[did I mention I hate when girls cry. Makes me feel all weak and weird and shit. And want to cry with them. I don't of course but still its like damn...]] It was like real emotion coming out from her. Like some raw, pure emotion. It was love. It was amazing. I took joy in it actually [[as sadistic as that sounds]] but not in a bad way. To know that love like that was flourishing actually kinda made me change my mind about the whole, "Love is false hope" strike I have going on at the moment because I'm jealous of all those realizing it and finding it. :/ Of course me being the hermit I am was like, "Ahh don't tell him. Let it run its course. Don't be stupid because you're only messing things up." I'm a real bitch aren't I? Yeah I know. But well earlier she tells me that she was going to take my advice but having thought on it for a while told her, "Wait don't do that! You don't want to be left wondering what if do you? I mean you love him. Its obvious. It may not be to late to get him back. Go for it Luz. Hope for the best prepare for the worst." and with that I sent her on her way. Am I ultimately leading her towards heartbreak? I sure as hell hope not. Because well that'd suck for me because it means I'm doing more harm than I am help. And thats no bueno. But still just seeing that she had such emotions for that guy. It was like damn. I want that. I want a girl to actually love me like that for real. I'd say I'd enjoy that much so and I'd actually be pretty damn amazed if something like that would happen...Key word being if Of course reality had to come in and be the bitch that it always is and slap me in the face...

"It never happens like that you ass and you know it" my mind instantly shouted at me,
"Holding onto a false hope that there is a happy ending is just foolish and thats how you end up hurt like you always are. Because you're such a dumb ass for buying into stupid shit like that. Not once either. You do it pretty much all the time. ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!!!"

Thats why I shouldn't be allowed to think. It always turns into something negative somehow, someway shaper or form. Nora says its because I'm in a rush. That because I'm looking for love and that it should come naturally. Which isn't entirely true. I'm trying to let it come naturally I'm just behind it pushing it towards me. I'd call it assisting. Of course I'm met with a hand to the head and some stern talking to about "whats the rush? We're only teenagers dear." and things like that. But I mean I look at it this way. I could wake up tomorrow and be fucking dead. I could get shot, hit by a bus or the world could come to a fucking end. I don't want to die and not know if I ever could have had a happy ending or anything like that. I sure as hell don't want that...I want to know and I think thats my problem. I'm in a rush to be tied down. I don't know why either. I mean love is some frustrating stuff. I've been in it before. I know of it. Relationships and all of that are to much trouble...But in the end I feel that its all worth it actually. I feel that all the struggling and fighting and all of that will be worth it because I won't be doing it alone. I'd be with someone. I'd be with someone I loved....To bad it doesn't ever go as planned huh? Ah well I'll just keep my options open I guess. See what develops and if love comes my way. Although I'm seriously on a "fuck relationships" mode right now...I still like them though. I want them. Even kinda sorta now. Its just they're so damn frustrating. And sitting here reading this is making me miss someone. :/
Good job brain.
You fucking suck.
With your over thinking and pessimism and other shit.

*Yawn* well its 1:34 been writing this thing for about 30 minutes....WHAT?!?!?! 30 minutes. Damn thats a long time. I have no life whatsoever.
I want sleep. I want love. I want some happy ass fairy tale ending that I know I'm not going to ever have because quite frankly I get fucked over royally.

Hrmm don't mean to come off as an emo bitch [[thats how I'm going to start describing my emotion spouts because well I don't know. I guess hearing that kinda hurt me.]] I'm petty. Take it how you want it.

G'night.

Stay up.

EDIT: Noticing a lot of spelling errors in these posts. Thats not good Marcus. Not good at all.

Two's a company three's a crowd. No room for you Makasu...

2008-02-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

Hrmm I seem to be more into this blogging thing than I thought. Hahaha its become as addicting to me as myspace was and still kinda is. :/ oh well it'll die out eventually. I think? I hope....

Anyways cancel the plans on La Raz or whatever its called. I decided not to go just for the simple fact that Kim's bff Chris is going with her. And I mean she hasn't seen him in like forever so I figured it'd be best to let them catch up and be all best friendy [[not even a real word]] and stuff and me not be a third wheel. As the saying goes. "Two's a company three's a crowd." Plus I don't want to be a burden on anyone or anything like that. Hrmm where have I heard that before? [[Makes mocking noise]] "I don't want to be dragging you around. Blah blah blah." Hah damn past. Seems like things from it keep coming back and into my head. Why? I don't know. It needs to stop though. Its just ever since that time it seems like everything for me has been more of a "I think thats what everyone thinks of me." kinda thing. Although I've heard multiple times that it was just one person saying that. Still that one time is enough to make you question everyone in general. Even yourself as I'm doing. Hah.

So yeah decided not to go. Just because I wasn't invited, and I don't know. I don't want to be in the way. As I constantly feel that I'm being to most people anyways. And yeah yeah yeah I know I sound emo or whatever. Shut the hell up. Its my ways of thinking I don't go into your house and judge you based upon the way you think or anything like that....

Anyways -_-*sigh* just think I kinda depressed myself. Hahaha. Going to become a lardy fat comic book guy now. Although Adam Hughes is a pretty awesome guy. :D

Moving on...

Dreaming for me is becoming a bit of a hassle...Its not something I enjoy anymore its more like a chore. And I hate chores....
Blah. And apparently I've been sleeping with a knife in my bed. Hrmm odd. A butter knife at that. It was stabbing me in my side when I woke up and I think its been there for a while. I don't know....Its odd. Its scary as well. How long has it been there? A lot of the stuff that shows up in my bed is scary actually. Hahahaha.

Anyways peep this!

Drawn by Kim. Pretty awesome. It has her style all over it. Am I that dark? Hahahaha I love it though. Its the first time I've actually been drawn. :D good stuff.
Although I'd never wear a yellow shirt underneath a black one... ;] but thats just me being picky and making fun.

My hats to you Kim. Much appreciated.
Its things like this that make me smile. Makes me actually feel appreciated and cared about y'know? Stuff like that.

Hahaha.
Gay.

Stay up.

Phone converstaions and the like...feeling rather peachy?

2008-02-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

Well good news is I feel 100% better than I did yesterday. :D couldn't be happier about that. Guess I just had a one day fling kinda thing or something? I don't know I'm just happy it got better instead of worse y'know? Although my head still hurts a little but thats a normal with me...Anyways yeah feeling really good right now. Not in pain or anything like that. So yeah feeling real good.

But now its onto something thats bothering me since I don't have any new art or anything to post. Take this as a rant. Hah. But my dreams...they keep getting weirder and weirder. Like I'm getting stuck in them or something...I don't know what it is. But its really starting to upset me. They start off really great and all of that but in an instant they turn to shit. Its like a reflection of my life. How I start off happy then end up sad and mad and all of that stuff...I don't know. Take for instant the dream I had yesterday/this morning. Excellent. I was married, young, a successful artist and all of that. I don't know who I was married to. I know for a fact that she wasn't black though. I don't do black. Nothing but trouble. Hah. Biased? I know. But its based off of personal experience as well. Anyways different story for a different time. Anyways then all of a sudden the dream turns horrible. I wake up [[or so I thought and notice that I'm not in my usually cramped bed. I wake up in some trendy ass loft high above the city. But something was off...I wasn't happy at all. I was alone. Just this big ass bed, me and an apartment...Nothing else. It was confusing and upsetting. What happened to the wife and all the happiness? Maybe it left like everyone is destined to do? Maybe it never even existed? Maybe I'm dreaming right now and in reality I'm actually 23+ and living the life. Only thing is I'm stuck in a constant flashback that seems to be playing out like a movie? If only that were the case. Then I'd be more understanding but that'd mean I'm stuck in the past....Not good. Anyways its been going on for a while. They keep getting weirder and weirder and its harder to tell reality from fiction....hrmmm haven't I said that before? I don't know its weird. I wake up but I'm not awake. I see my room and everything looks normal. Of course the first thing I do is make sure I'm awake. Big mistake because after that hell breaks loose. Long story short my dreams are actually starting to scare me...Don't know what to think of them anymore. Don't know if they have any special meaning or anything like that....

Then today I wake up. Nothing out of the normal right? Wrong!
My dad gives me money?!?! He never ever ever does things like that. And I mean never! So something is obviously wrong there. $20 USD...its odd actually for real. Maybe moms said something to him and he finally caved? I don't think so. I don't know. I'll hold onto the money as long as I can though...see whats up with it.

I'm hoping to save this money to either:
A. Pay my phone bill.
B.It'll go towards something stupid.
C. Kim and stuff.

Probably going to to end up being C. though because well we go out to lunch like every other day. And its a rather expensive affair...Kim's a rather expensive person at that...Wonder what she's doing now?

Anyways moving on!

Decided to get off of my ass since I spent all day yesterday sleeping and complaining about stuff and skate. It was great. A little rocky at first because I haven't actually skated for real in about a week or so...Not to sure there. But yeah it took some getting back into the swing of things. Worked on my Spacewalks, G-turns, Kickflips, Ollies, Heelflips, Pop shuv-its, Primo's, One wheeled primo's, Varial Heels, Tre flips, Frontside Flips, FS 180 ollies, Fakie triple kickflips, and double flips. I'm pretty sore from that work out. Hahaha that alot of tricks and thats barely scratching the surface of them. I need to get all of them solid so I can use them in S.K.A.T.E. and not lose again like I did on wednesday? Yeah it was wednesday...against David Rubio. Won't happen again. Of course the session got canned because some asshole decided to park in the fucking skate spot. Good job moron. Whats even better is out of the shitty honda jumped two ingnorant ghetto wannabe gangstas [[whose pants were below their waist they were petty much down.]] and a whole bunch of half-dressed morbidly obese women. I believe they'd be considered Ho's by rap standards. And not good looking ones at that. Anyways they canned the session and now I'm pissed about that....For real. But its cool because I did get some skate time in and thats fine I guess...I need a new board for real...

Called Kim yesterday. It seems like it'd been forever since the last time I'd talked to her on the phone. We usually used to talk for 2+ hours late at night when I could afford to keep my celluar. But now we don't even talk that often. :/ the only time we really do talk is when we're at school at lunch and sometimes on myspace. Seems like she ignores me or doesn't notice me half of the time. Oh well. Y'get used to it I guess. Anyways where was I? Oh yeah I called her. Always an adventure because she never answers the phone. Its usually her mom....Which is where the problem arises. I have nothing but respect for her mom and what she does and I'm not trying to talk down on her or anything [[so if someone is going to take it that way then stop reading now]] and I apologize if I offend Kim or her mom. Not intentional. I'll probably take this part of the blog out just to be safe. We'll see what happens. Anyways I called her and her mom answers. I'm actually afraid of Kim's mom because she doesn't speak English that well and tends to yell at me. I don't know how you guys take adults yelling at you but its rather scary. Especially when its a[n] woman. Anyways keep in mind I feel like absolute shit when I was calling her. I could barely talk or anything like that:

*Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
"Hello?"
"Hi may I speak to Kim?" I ask struggling to get the words out.
"Huh?" her mom screams I think?
"May I speak to Kim?" I say a little louder trying to make my voice sound normal.
"WHAT?!?! YOU NEED TO SPEAK UP!?!" her mom yells back.
"..."
"Hello? You there? Speak louder."
"MAY I SPEAK TO KIM?!?!?! MAY I SPEAK TO LY?!?!?" I yell back as hard as I can.
"What I can't hear you...Why're you calling? No." her mom yells back. Then I get something in Vietnamese. Could quite make it out and a rather angry, "BYE!" *Click*

Now at this time I'm a little peeved because one I didn't feel good. I know her mom didn't know that but still I was really trying to communicate her and be calm throughout it. And another thing that really upsets me is people hanging up on me like that. I'm not angry at her mom for any of this it was just a very irritating affair. But there was nothing that could be done about it. So I decided to myspace Kim and let her know what had happened.

Again I'm met with the oh so familiar cold shoulder that I seem to get from her a lot. And I mean a lot...I don't know if I upset her or something. I wasn't trying to. I didn't really feel that great [[as I've stated before]] and yeah it was a rather frustrating affair. So if you read this sometime soon Kim I apologize if I made you mad or offended you. Wasn't on purpose but it was due to lack of communication I guess....

My brother was like, "Why don't you get Kim to teach you how to say it in her native language outlander?"
He's been playing to much Elderscrolls: Morrowind and Oblivion.
I respond, "Because I'm lazy, and thats to much trouble y'know?"
"You're dumb..."
"Well it happens I guess."
"And you're ugly, you black bastard"
"Fuck you ass."

Thats usually how our conversations end up. Him calling me ugly or talking down upon me and me cussing at him. Its brotherly love at its best. Hahaha. Like a comedy.

Man I need to get my cellphone cut back on. It'd be a lot easier that ways for real..
But to do that I need money. The only problem is I can't save money to save my ass. Hahaha. Which is non-existent just like. Hahaha play on words. But yeah need the money. Hopefully I'll have it soon and then I can talk all I want for another month and not have to worry about a thing. Although this would also be a lot easier if my parents didn't have that stupid "No calls after 9 rule." that seems to be common among black families. Damn them and their same thinking.

Ahh simpler times...where'd you go?

Anyways I've been rambling on in this blog forever it seems. Its just a lot has happened to me in the past 48 hours. I guess I should break it up but I figured I'd give you guys something to keep you entertained. Does anybody even read this blog?

Well I'm kinda tired the ruined skate session has worn my arse out and now sleep is calling for me.

Don't know when I'll have some new art to show. Just stay tuned I guess.
Meh. Also one last rant thingy. Inking fucking sucks. Its the most frustrating thing ever I swear it is. Makes me hate art even more although I love it so much....Ahh well it takes practice I guess...I GUESS.

Wanna go to La Raz? La Paz? Raz Paz? Raz Pa? I don't know the name. Want to go but I'm not to sure as of yet whats up there. Need to find a ride if thats the case.

We'll see what happens though.

Stay up.

Get lots of bedrest and make sure you drink plenty of fluids....

2008-02-22T10:26:00.000-08:00

Ahh what time is it?
12:27?
Fuck man that means I've been knocked out for the past 16 hours?
Thats alot. Since 9 last night to just now....Damn I slept alot.
Its all good though because I still feel like shit. I actually feel a little better now that I've gotten plenty of bedrest. My head still hurts a little and things are still a little spinny [[from the cough medicine I took that has a giant warning that reads: MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS]] I downed about a whole bottle and a half of the purple stuff. Made me whence and shudder and nearly hack out my lung. Guess its working though because my throat doesn't hurt as much and I can talk a little bit better. Before it had sounded like I'd smoked 80 cigs at a time for the past 18 years. It was horrible. My mom was even like, "Ewww" when I woke up this morning asking her if she had some medicine...

I have to much to do but I don't have the energy to do anything. I don't even want to be writing this blog...Blah. I hate being sick. Because usually when I do get sick I'm the first one then everyone else gets it after me and then I get it again. :/ that sucks. Anyways I don't remember much of anything from yesterday. I don't even remember coming home...I also find myself having conversations with people and not being aware that I'm talking to them. I had this strange little short dream where my brother was handing me a tray of something [[noodle soup?]] and when I woke up I found myself with my arms extended waiting to receive the tray. Its weird. I do know that last night I kept waking up gasping for breaths. It was quite scary and I thought I was going to die! Luckily I didn't and I'm sitting here writing this blog. Hah. Anyways I'm not up to a hundred percent because well I told you earlier...But I do feel a lot better. And I mean a lot. I just want to sleep though. Sleep and not wake back up for a while...A long while actually. But I have to much work to do. I need to draw. And like crazy. I'm already upset that I've wasted most of the day away by being sick and sleeping. :/ but that can't be helped I guess. Damn immune system.
Anyways all I need is plenty of bedrest and to make sure I drink plenty of fluids like the doctors always tell the patients on the shows and I should be back to normal...Hopefully.

Blah.
Being sick sucks.
And now my body aches all over and its really cold. Hahaha.

I haven't thrown anything back up yet so thats good. I ate some instant noodles [[ramen if you will]] and yeah then passed back out after that. Or did I dream that up as well? Its really hard to tell reality from hallucinations at the moment...

More sleep?

Stay up.

EDIT: Hrmm I'm not liking the look of my blog either. Its rather plain and boring...I think I'm going to switch it up a bit and see how that fares. Wish me luck. Feel like shit.

Instant noodles...

2008-02-21T18:25:00.001-08:00

Is what I'm forced to eat. I fear I'm getting terribly sick...my throat feels like its closing up and its been bothering me like crazy. So I'm now eating Maruchan instant noodles to hopefully help ease the soreness of my throat. I don't want to get sick. I don't need to be. Blah. But I don't feel good at all. Thank goodness we have a three day vacation thing coming up. I need to find something to do though...Maybe I'll take the time to catch up on work or something? Maybe I'll be in bed sick like. I don't know...I need more instant noodles though. Hahaha. Damn I don't feel good. Not at all. Blah. Oh well at least I didn't get super sick [[just jinxed myself.]] because the flu has been going around like crazy...Hopefully I didn't catch it from one of the various teachers who seem to be sick at our school as well...I hope not. Its only sorta bothering me so we'll see what happens tomorrow and how I feel. Might not go to school though....Anyways yeah I'm really cold as well...I seriously do think there is something wrong with me because I'm wearing pants, shorts underneath them, a shirt and well I'm fully dressed. I should be hot and sweaty like it is usually at my house but I'm sitting here freezing my ass off...Damn this sucks....Need more noodles....want more noodles. Hahaha. This whole tagging incident still has me kinda on edge. We'll see what happens though.

Oh well sometimes it happens.

Damn I don't feel good at all.
Don't think I'll be going out this weekend. Blah. Or maybe I will. Kinda want to check out this RAZ Paz thing or whatever it is that has Kim all excited. But if I don't get any better then I'm not going.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to go make some more noodles. Maybe the ones with the shrimp?

Stay up.

Tagging and shit I swear art is going to be the death of me....

2008-02-21T06:10:00.001-08:00

So apparently there's blame going around of some "gang related taggings" appearing on buses. Naturally everyone would think to look towards the artist right? Funny thing about it is. I didn't do shit. I'm innocent. I think they're going to get my friend Kool-aid though because well they seem to have it out for him. He's the first one people are coming to and blaming. So yeah he might get the blame. Which would suck because well it just would. The simple fact that I blame the youth of today for this little mishap. Gang related taggings....shame. Anyways since he's probably going to end up getting blamed for this I don't really have much to worry about. I'm innocent and all of that so we'll see what happens...But Him...they blame is going to get put on him hard. Which is kinda messed up because other people from other schools have to ride the buses as well right? So what makes them think that it wasn't one of them y'know? Why do the kids from our school automatically get blamed? Sure there was that incident where all the "taggers" were getting caught at our school...But I mean that doesn't mean that everone at tech is a tagger. Tagging isn't even my thing. I'd prefer to express myself in drawings rather than simple scribbles over territory and other shit. Things that people are willing to kill over just because of the wrong name, race, or color. Yes something so innocent like color is whats killing people today as well...Anyways I swear arts going to be the death of me for real....Hopefully Kool-aid won't get blamed for all of this nonsense and hopefully all this will blow over. I don't know. I don't care. I know whats true and all of that. So its me against them. Although this should be interesting because some people are weak minded people and crack under pressure. Whats also interesting is that the driver is now going to place blame for all of the taggings on that individual. Which means if they do declare Kool-aid as the "culprit" then that means he gets blamed for the one's he didn't do as well as the others that have been noticed. Isn't it great how the system works? Sarcasm to the max. Anyways we'll see what happens...It should all come to head in the next few days or so....Its just damn I'm kinda worried because I just so happened to be in one of the "spots" at the wrong time I guess. We'll see though. We'll see....

No art this time because I'm in a serious crunch to get my shit together now. Plus its been a while since I've been able to draw anything. I've been neglecting and rejecting my pencil. So I seriously need to get out of this art block and get cracking to shirt designs. Waco is in less than a week and yeah...The pressure is on.

Its just this whole tagging thing has got me on edge...Have they even thought to consider the fact that maybe it was one of those little kids that did it? I mean they were on the bus before we were and they had stuff like cellphones and stuff. What the hell is a little kid [[no older than the age of 7]] doing with a freaking cellphone? I can't even afford to keep mine on and I wasn't even allowed to have one till I was at least in the the 7th grade. Kids these days have it so easy. For real...

Oh well we'll see what happens. Blame is already going around and people are pointing fingers at Kool-aid. So yeah we'll see what happens. Hope he doesn't get blamed for it though and hopefully all this shit blows over....

I need to draw...

Oh and yesterday was very interesting. For real. Made some leway in pretty much everything and yeah stuff seems to be getting back to normal...I got verbally bitch slapped by Kim yesterday. First one I've gotten. It was pretty harsh. Made me seem like a horrible person. But it also made me open my eyes and see that I spend most of my time wallowing in my own pitty and I shouldn't be that way...A slap of reality is all that it takes I guess to make you realize that you need to change. Still was a little harsh. Hahaha. I didn't know how to take it though because I was left speechless. Seemed like she'd been holding it in for the longest time and finally decided to let it out. Hah.

Stresses...

2008-02-19T08:11:00.000-08:00

As of late I'm under alot of stress....And I mean alot.

School, life, family, friends, art, money, relationship [[or lackthereof for that matter]]

I don't know. Its funny how alot of people see me a very chill person. I am actually. Its just sometimes I have thoughts....things like that. It happens. But yeah I'm under alot of stress and the pressure is on for me to come up with lots of new arts for my trip to Waco. Yeah me. :/ sarcasm.

Plus I'm in the biggest art block of my life at the moment. I mean I literally cannot think of anything to draw. Perfect timing too...Not really. I think its because I'm spending most of my time trying to come up with comic pages and stuff for my portfolio. Takes alot of creativity to come up with an idea that hasn't already been thought of y'know? Funny stuff.

Anyways since I don't have any new art I really want to show heres is a picture of Kim. My current love interest so to speak...

Enjoy!

Kim.

I'll admit I messed up on the eyes. I hate drawing them at times. I hate drawing at times. Blah. :P
More to come soon. Maybe actually some pages or something. I don't know yet.

Stay up.

I'm not going to lie...

2008-02-16T08:27:00.000-08:00

But I'm really missing Kim at the moment. :[

I know she doesn't like shit like this but honest to goodness. I miss her.

Damn rain and its effect on my emotions and shit....
Its all peaceful and all of that but it makes me I dunno weird?

Blah.

Stay up.

Peach Tea....

2008-02-15T06:20:00.000-08:00

Damn what time is it?
8:11? a.m?!?!?
It just seems like I was laying down in my bed thinking on things from Valentines....
Yes this is a blog where the ever present Kim is mentioned. :]

Ahh Valentines day...one of the most dreaded days of the year for me. Its all filled with love and happiness and all sorts of other things that make me want to vomit. One big as corporate scam :p blah....But this year was different. This year was a different Valentines day that made me think that its not that bad of an ordeal. For one I wasn't actually alone on this day. I wasn't really single either [[well whatever you call it]] I was with Kim. And that usually means its going to be something great or fun. Somewhere in between the two? Anyways we decided to spend the day together. Having decided on it the previous night while having this weird myspace conversation using the friend status instead of message or comments like normal people would do...Anyways yeah I was late [[a first actually usually she's the late one. Hah]] but its because I'd decided to ditch 3rd period and hop in my friends Car and drive all the way to Benbrook. Another story for another time. Hahaha. But anyways it was only two to three minutes late. Kim took it like it was an hour and I was greeted with a nice fist to the rib/gut. A usual with her. And a stern "You're late you ass!" I could just hear my friend Alfonso and Jahaziel laughing at me from the car they were in. Great. Anyways after some quick apologizing and some rubbing on my hurt rib we departed to the coffee house gallery?....

[[Time lapse]]

Upon arriving at the coffee house after Kim explained to me how she liked Valentines day because she could give people kisses and more small talk we were there. Inside Kim decided to order food BUT was 4 dollars to short of $10.86. What made it funny was that she decided to count in spanish which made it even more funny because she got stuck on ciete [[7]] and yeah I had to spot her the $4. I actually think this is the first time that Kim has had to pay for anything since we've been seeing each other. Hah. Anyways she once again got this weird mushroom thing...that was slimy. Eww it was some of the nastiest stuff I'd ever seen. I'd eaten it the time before when we were here with Daisy the last time but this time I wasn't going to eat it. I didn't even want to look at it. Kim rather enjoyed it...Nasty. Anyways before we got the order of food. I wanted to snap a couple of pics for drawing purposes. Kim was being rather stubborn. And so I was going to get her to smile. Well upon extending my hand to try to get her to smile [[did I mention that she's a rather stubborn person at times?]] I just so happend to graze her glass of peach tea and spill it all over the table, her jacket, and my pants. :/ just great. Smooth moves Marcus. Real smooth. Anyways I just sat there dumbfounded for a while until she was like, "You better clean this up." and so I sprang into action. Darting around the corner and up to the counter to ask the cashier for some napkins or anything to clean up the mess. I'll tell you something she'd been hitting on Kim the entire time since we walked in there and she flashed that ever so seductive smile of hers that seems to get me going at times. Damn Kim and her womanly wiles. Hahaha. Anyways the lady was quick to go over there and assist us. Or more like Kim...Anyways she grabbed her glass and was like, "Here I'll get you a new one with some more ice." it was alot of tea for a small glass. It didn't make much sense. Anyways while they were dealing with that I was busy trying to get the tea off of my lap. For fear that it may have looked like I'd pee'd on myself like some eight year old child who couldn't hold it in. It was all one big mess. Horribly embarrassing but it was to funny to not laugh. :D Anyways the lady had returned with Kim's "peach tea" she made sure she knew that she'd mentioned that it was peach tea and gave it to her. They exchanged looks and Kim gave a slight flirty comment complimenting the young lady on her shirt and some lame flirty thing that the lady obviously liked. I was trying my hardest not to laugh my ass off. [[Lmao]] but yeah it was a great and funny moment. My crotch smelled like peach tea....Damn Kim and her womanly wiles. Hahaha.

[[Time lapse]]

Walking around mid downtown. Pretty fun. Always is. Not going to go into details on this one because well...It was great. :D hahaha. Had alot of fun though. For real. The whole peach tea thing is still kinda funny and I'm chuckling just sitting here typing this [[instead of doing my work as usual]] hahaha. But yeah Valentines this year was pretty damn awesome. Still think the holiday sucks and is a corporate scam to get money; but all in all I'm a little less biased about it. Hahahaha.

Since I'm still in a bit of an art rut at the moment I'm still picking up realism time and doing portrait sketches.

Brenda Sketch. Done in my first period class. Pretty fun stuff. She's so light so it was really fun to draw her. Again this is a sketch. Took about an hour on this one. But yeah it was fun. The sub guy was like, "Man you're going to get alot of girls that way." funny shit.

And a sketch of me. :D I don't really like it but thats because I don't like looking at myself in general. Blah. Its okay but still not the greatest. None of these are. Blah.
Damn art rut.

Hahah I'm probably going to get it for posting a blog about Kim....

Stay up.

Valentine's Day...

2008-02-14T16:48:00.000-08:00

Was pretty fun. I'll update this tomorrow. Gots some new art and things like that.
But yeah it actually wasn't that bad. :D

Stay up.

Pack your bags...

2008-02-13T07:11:00.000-08:00

'Cause we're heading to good ol' Waco, Texas for competition.
Not to sure whats going to happen this year. Hopefully it'll be alot easier [[don't think so since there are more people going this year. :p]]
Which means I actually have to do work...
Which I should be doing now while sitting in my grahic arts class typing this blog.
Hah. Laziness to the max.

I kinda have art block at the moment. But I was able to whip up something I think is pretty decent.
Portrait of my friend Nora. Drew this while I was in my "art rut"
yesterday. .5 mechanical pencil, Blue ballpoint ben, Standard sharpie.
I happen to like the way it came out. :D actually made me thing I have some talent. Of course I asked my brother what did he think of it and he gave me his usual, "It looks like shit." speech that I usually get when I ask him what he thinks about my art. :/ maybe thats why I'm so picky about my art? I don't know....Either way this was really fun to draw. Since some people seem to think I don't have any realism in my style. And I only draw fantasy stuff I figured I'd whip this sketch up. Yes I did call it a sketch. 45 minutes done in my sketch book. Means nobody is going to get it. Hahaah. I'm going to show it to Nora see wha she thinks. I messed up on the shirt and some other areas but again it was for fun. Probably going to throw some paints down on it to see what it looks like. :d

Today seems pretty chill....lets hope it stays that way for real...

More on the competition when I get back from it!

Stay up.

Tomorrows Valentines day....
Blah.
Need to do some love art then. XD

Just keep...

2008-02-12T15:40:00.001-08:00

Your mouth shut. Its all I need to do.
Its what I should do.
So I will.

Today was total shit for me...everything about it was shit.
People don't care. You don't care. I don't care.
Why the hell am I even writing this?

I'm just going to keep my mouth shut. Its the best thing to do.
Not mention things. Not say a single word. Not give a damn.

Fuck it.
I suck.

Been hearing that alot lately.
Starting to think its true.

Gawd damn I'm so fucking stupid for real...

Stay up.

Over...

2008-02-12T15:40:00.000-08:00

Starting over on this blog I guess. :/

Stay up.